Thanksgiving Thoughts

Blogging has made me feel like I am back to being myself again.  I know I will have days where I don't write, and I know you will understand because you also have a life and understand how overwhelming life can be at times.  

As always, I am trying to get healthy and stay that way.  I still haven't mastered that skill. I will feel ok for maybe a day, so I try to get a few things done.  Vacuum or do some laundry.  It wipes me out. So a lot of days these things done get done.  I am grateful that Angus and HistoryBoy are helpful (when they want to be LOL)  HistoryBoy is at an age where it could be a fight to get anything done, yet he if I ask he simply does the chore for me, whether it is simply carrying a load of laundry from one room to another for me because I can't lift it, or taking out the garbage.  He grumbles every once in a while, but he still does it and doesn't truly give me a hard time. 

I am grateful for this, especially at this time of year, when the cold is beginning to feel like it is seeping into my bones and take root.  I can't get warm and stay warm, and my hands simply hurt, just because its cold. It might be 68 degrees inside with the heat on, but some days I am still wearing gloves inside.  If it is 60 degrees outside I need gloves in my pocket because my hands will start hurting if I am outdoors too long. 

Even though I have these problems, I have Angus and HistoryBoy, who truly want what is best for me, even if some days they don't understand why I am not feeling well, or how I can go from feeling ok one moment to miserable the next.  When I need help, they do their best to give me what I need, whether it's time to lie down and simply leaving me be, or carrying the things for me that I can't, or taking care of the things that I am simply not up to. I don't know where I would be without them.

Life Gets In The Way...

Someone recently asked me why I haven't been writing more often or regularly like I used to.  I love writing (I know strange for my Math brain but I also love to draw and paint so chalk it up to my left-handedness LOL) I told them I just had had so much going on that there were not enough hours in the day to get it all done so something had to give. The person understood and said to me "Life Happens". 

That's exactly true.  This past two year has been a series of ups and downs and it always seems like I am playing catch-up.  Either I've been sick or History Boy has.  Somewhere in the midst of that, we also moved.  We searched for it, packed up our old one, and unpacked the new one. It took forever (I think I still have boxes!  Actually I know I do!) I could only look at houses on days I felt ok, and I couldn't do a lot in a trip, 2 houses maybe... So that made the process longer. Angus was still working 2 hours away and commuting back and forth, so we had to work his schedule into that too.  It meant the packing fell to me and my mom who helped me tremendously.  I would never have gotten as much done as I did without her.  I can't carry boxes, or pick up anything that weighs anything at all.  She lifted and carried and whatever she couldn't had to wait to Angus or my brother.



In the past two years, I was hospitalized, unable to talk or walk. Nope not a stroke, just my lupus having fun with me. History Boy was diagnosed with Epilepsy, and each time it seemed to be under control, he grew, and outgrew the dose of his medication and had seizures again. Have a mentioned he has grown almost 6 inches since November last year? He's taller than me now, and happy about it. LOL.

Each time I had something to say and wanted to blog about it, i was either too sick, too tired, or both.  It got pushed aside because I had to concentrate on me, and what my body needed to get healthy and having History Boy sick didn't help.  Can you really rest when your child is sick?

Also, in the past year, History Boy had surgery on his sinuses.  We decided enough was enough and he had just been sick too often for too long and we needed to do something about it. He had one sinus infection since the surgery, and a virus after that, but he hasn't been consistently sick like he has been for the past few years with infection after infection...

I don't know how some others do it, how they keep up, blog everyday and keep life on track, handle a child like History boy and keep him on track as well. How do they do it?  How do you do it?  I feel I am always behind an 8 ball, always trying to catch up.  Life feels like it is passing me by and I don't have the time or energy to keep up.

Laundry builds up, dishes build up, cleaning builds up. I push myself to try to get through as much as I can and find that I am overwhelmed.  Where do I start?  Someone said to me to do a load a day and it won't back up.  Easy enough to say, but when some days I can't even carry the basket of clothes into the laundry room because I hurt so bad, and it feels so heavy.  I know it isn't, I know it is my arms and back that are objecting.  Another said I should work out more, being in shape would help.  Very true, exercise does help me, but I can't overdo on that because I will end up more sore than I am and unable to do what I already do. Swimming and aqua therapy are the only exercise I am truly able to do and that is because I can work out a little and walk in the pool track without straining and feeling the weight on my body.

Please I am not trying to complain, or bitch at the ones who are offering advice, who are truly trying to help. I'm just telling you how life is, why I'm not here as much as I'd like and I hope you understand.

(PS: I am trying to write more, hence my Blog REBOOT!)

Needing A Nap

Summers are my "GetHealthy" time.  We go to Florida to rest and I try to to just that... Get healthy.

Especially on my "Get Healthy" trips, I am making sure I stick to my naps. If I verge from the norm, how will I get healthy? HistoryBoy is used to it, mostly. Although instead of his just using his books or the computer to amuse himself, he has his grandmom and grandpop. Two years ago, my brother and his wife and their son are here also, so he is in happy, mostly. He gets along great with my nephew, Happy, who was only 2 1/2 at the time.  HistoryBoy loves showing his planes off, or his cars, or books and Happy is only to willing to go wherever HistoryBoy leads.

I need those naps, which sucks.  If I avoid them or miss because I doing something else, I crash and burn.  My body just pretty much shuts down on me. I can only push too far and I could be sitting there next to you holding a conversation and simply fall asleep.  

My problem is how will I ever function like a normal person again if I keep giving into my body and not pushing, or is this simply my new normal and I have to adjust and not expect more?  

I keep hoping once day I will just wake up and I will feel good. As I get older I know that it isn't going to happen simply because I am getting older, more quirks and problems arise as you get older.  No, I am not old but I feel like I am sometimes.  

I need my body to cooperate and so far the only way to do that is by letting it have the naps it wants or needs to function.  It sucks, but what else can I do...