REBLOG: Some Days I Forget

Reposted from 8/30/11
Some days I forget, or almost forget HistoryBoy is different from any other child because things are going so well. No using mommy as a life line, no hiding, no meltdowns, just a kid being a kid. It was great. 

Until yesterday...

I am not sure what set it off, or even if it had a trigger. He was playing nicely with his cousin in the morning but even then I could tell he was a little off because I kept having to call him and repeat myself. Then he wouldn't eat lunch even though it was pizza, and if you know HistoryBoy that is one of his favorite food groups. Pizza, Chicken Soup, Grilled Cheese, Hot Dogs and Steamed Dumplings.  If I made these every day of his life the child would be happy as a clam. Thankfully he can and will eat other foods too but is VERY gratefully when I have his favorites. But anyway he wouldn't eat, I got him to drink some water but i think he took two bites of pizza.

We head home. It is time for me to lie down and rest. He comes and lays next to me and clings and I ask him what is wrong. He can't or won't say. He just clings. I cuddle him as best I can. I fall asleep and when I awake I realize he has fallen asleep too. I have woken just in time for me to leave for my Doctor's appointment, and I gently awaken HistoryBoy to take him with me. He clings to my arm and doesn't want me to go. I have to go so, I tell him I will drop him off at Mimi's house and he can get some cuddle time from her while I go to my appointment.

I call my mom to make sure she is OK with this arrangement and she says she is. I also let he know he is way off. I do not know what is off but he is not talking, just clinging. I didn't say it but I was thinking, at least he isn't melting down. So I went to my appointment and came back. We had dinner at my mom's and HistoryBoy did eat a little Spaghetti and Meatballs. Not as much as I would have liked. I only gave him a little and he didn't eat all of it, and he wouldn't drink any of his milk. He just kept telling me he was full. After we cleared the table, he wanted me to sit with him in the living room. I sat down and he climbed into my lap. I do need to point out that HistoryBoy is now 11. There is a lot more to him, mostly limbs, looooong legs, than there used to be; he weighs 75 lbs. I shift his weight so it is not really on me and more on the chair. I try to get up after a few minutes but this is where he wants me, close to him. I shift over, so he can sit next to me in the chair and he "allows" that as long as I don't leave him.

After a while we leave to head home. At home, I try talking to him but he isn't opening up. He just says he feels off. So either he doesn't know what is wrong or can't put it into words. A little while later there is a knock at the door HyperGirl and her sister, SassyGirl (HyperGirl came up with the name for her sister) came over. They seemed to bring HistoryBoy out of his funk. He showed them, his new room, which was almost done. And he chattered to them some which I saw as a good sign.

On another note...
The first thing out of HyperGirl's mouth when she saw HistoryBoy's room was "Cool, bunk beds! When can I stay over?" Don't worry Michelle I said NO! Then SassyGirl pipes up "Well I can stay over, I'm not his girlfriend!" Again I said No. LOL HistoryBoy was just laughing, which I took as a good sign.

I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Homework Issues

Homework is one of those things that HistoryBoy LOVES to procrastinate over. He will procrastinate until almost bedtime even though I have been fighting him all afternoon to do it. Then suddenly at bedtime he wants to do his homework.  Oh yay, now I get to stay up when I want to go to bed. We have taken away events with friends, videos games, toys. Nothing seems to help.

The child who used to love to do his homework right after school is gone. Replaced by this miserable procrastinating teenager who thinks it is fun to drive his mother nuts.  I have sent him to bed early because I am frustrated with it.  He then cries that I am being mean, he wants to do his homework now and I'm not letting him.  Save me from drama!

Part of the problem is that he views school as an interruption in his learning time, not as the time he should be learning. He thinks he learns by watching documentaries and watching videos. I know he does, but he needs to understand the value of school, and remember how much he used to love school.  

I know the past few years have been rough for him but I don't want him to fall through the cracks and be just a statistic.  He's worked too hard on getting himself this far. He's finally finding himself but expressing it in all the wrong ways. I am not giving up obviously but I am struggling to help him, balance what he needs with what he wants.  Together we will survive this, I hope.

Life Training an Autistic 13 Year Old.

Life shouldn't overwhelm you on a daily basis, but welcome to our world, right? In trying to talk to HistoryBoy about the future we've hit a few stumbling blocks. Most times, I can't talk about his future without him having a full blown panic attack. Normal? I think not. But why rock the boat now, he's only 13?  True, but he has to develop some skills for taking care of himself.  I cannot do it forever and I wouldn't want that for him or I either.

Our first big hurdle was simply getting him to make his own breakfast and lunch.  I should say that he will willingly raid the fridge and clean me out of lunch meat without eating a slice of bread on a regular basis if unchecked and he knows how to microwave hot pockets and hot dogs, so he won't starve. But is that living or taking care of himself? 

We talked about it and he understand that is isn't just about now but about the future.  What if some day he wants to cook dinner for a girlfriend.  Does he think she will be impressed with hot pockets?  He came to realize it is a skill he will need even if he is not utilizing it now.  (YAY ME!) 

Another bigggie is me not having to remind him, wash you hair, brush your teeth.  He has been doing these things without reminders more and more frequently.  If I could just get him to remember his meds 100% of the time without my help, we'd be set!




Also, He has been making his bed which is a HUGE thing too.  He used to fight me on it all the time. "Why do I have to make my bed?  Why do I have to clean my room?"  The clean room thing is still a work in progress but he is making his bed with regularity.  He knows how to vacuum, fill/empty the dishwasher, take out the trash and mow a lawn so he will be able to do those things for himself in his own place when the time comes.  For now, he just doesn't mind the chores, as long as I don't bug him about his room.  Remember that Berenstain Bears Book.  That is what his room makes me think of but, eh, one thing at a time.

He wants to be successful, so I am confident he will be.  We just have to take it one day at a time, one skill at a time.  With the knowledge that, one day, who knows how soon, he will need them.

I'd love to hear from you
teenahope@gmail.com

Healing the Hurt

I remember History Boy coming home from school not understanding why the other kids weren't his friends.  He thought of them as his friends.  I think that says it all. He sees everybody as good, or at least he used to.  He is getting used to being bullied and knows that those children are not his friends.  It is especially hard when one of the children used to be his friend several years ago.  They were in all the same classes and go along great.  Now the child calls him names and History Boy is at a loss.  What did he do wrong?...

How do I tell him and make him understand that he  did nothing wrong.  I can say it a hundred times but he still has to deal with it.  I have tried to help him with facial expressions, hoping he'll be able to tell when someone really doesn't want to hear what he has to say.  However, trying to turn off the flow of information in History Boy once it has started is virtually impossible.  I love that he loves to learn and wants to share his knowledge.  I'm a teacher, the teacher in me rejoices, but the mom in me knows that this is what hurts him. This is what makes it hard for other children to understand him.  Most kids don't want to know about WWII, the Titanic, Pompeii and other such topics.


He always wows adults with his knowledge and his willingness to learn more about a topic.  He can watch video after video or read book after book about the same topic. To the right is a pic of the book he is currently reading. It is three books in one, Marine Mysteries and Dramatic Disasters of New England, Sea disasters and inland catastrophes, and Pirates, Shipwrecks, and Historic Chronicles. Sound like History Boy anyone?  LOL.  He can converse with adults about such topics, although his opinions are if he watched it or heard it on the History Channel, it must be true, so... watch out. He constantly amazes me, but that still doesn't give me the answers I need to help him.

Here is an article which has some helpful info in it. I found it comforting to know that at least according to these tips, I was doing what I needed to be there for him, even if it doesn't feel like it.



Below is one of the pics I used with History Boy to help with facial expressions.
If it helps you too, you are welcome to it.

Emotions Handout (below is a pic of what it looks like)

Sometimes you forget...

He has been doing well, Asperger-wise for a while. He can be quirky but he has been mostly happy (once his meds were adjusted).  Yet out of the blue comes a day (this past Monday) where he is almost completely non-verbal. He was not feeling well so that contributed to it, but he had a Dr. appointment and he is usually good with Doctors, answering their questions but he wouldn't even look at the doc.

Now normally I can try an coax or cajole he into a better mood, or he will want to cuddle, or curl up next to me with the blanket over his head until he feels better. Today when I try to touch him, I get hissed or growled at.  Fun times.  And of course Angus is out of town for work so I am coping on my own. I have done it before but I have gotten used to sharing the load.

By Tuesday afternoon he is some better, his mood is not happy but he isn't hissing and growling.  I can get one word answers, which are mostly "no", and an occasional "Leave me alone." Along with this he is not eating, so while I know he isn't feeling well, he needs to eat to feel better.  I get tired of arguing for food and finally break down and hand him a bag of cookies. (At least its something) So other than gatorade, some soda and minimal food, that's it for 2 days.  His doc put him on an antibiotic on Monday so because he hasn't eaten he awakes with diarrhea Tuesday night, throughout the night, into the next day (today).  The family doc has no openings until tomorrow. So we wait until tomorrow, hoping this stops because using Imodium isn't allowed because just in case you have a virus on top of infection, it wont "go through" you completely. YAY!

At least now, he is a semi-happy kid.  He is watching YouTube videos and laughing. So it's a start AND I got him to eat half a bowl of soup and some shredded cheese.  I just keep telling myself tomorrow will be better...

Hiding From Bullies

I am so tired of bullying.  I am tired of my son being harassed on the bus and at school.  It is to the point where he does not want to ride the bus and I have to drive him to school in the mornings.  It is too early in the year for him to be this upset...



I'll back up, for those of you that don't know.  HistoryBoy has a bully problem.  Unfortunately he almost always has a bully problem.  He is a smart, unusual and mostly quiet inside himself kid, which makes him a perfect target. The big problem is he is super smart, he knows most of the answers in science and social studies and has HUGE background knowledge in addition to what he is learning.  It means teachers are impressed, other students, mo so much.

The issue this year stems from several students calling him a Retard.  He didn't even know what it was.  He came home from school asking me what it meant.  I told him if the bully calls him it again, simply tell him, "I am smarter than you so what does that make you?" That seemed to make him happier, I got him on the bus the day I gave him that ammo.  He came home from school and told me the same child had called him a douche when he gave his reply. I explained what that was and why he was *NOT* that. I told him he needed to say "Do you even know what that it?"  Because I can almost guarantee the bully does not, he is simply repeating something he heard.

HistoryBoy has been dealing with bullies since about 3rd grade.  Before that the kids in his class all knew him and were his friends, and understanding of his quirks.  In 4th grade, he hated going to school on the bus.  We complained and a child got removed from the bus. But it took more than just me and Matt reporting him.  The child finally harassed someone else and now that it was a pattern..  Move forward 2 years.  Same child is now on the middle school bus with him, harassing him, calling names, hitting.  Matt reported him to bus driver, driver told him to be quiet and sit down.  SO when he finally pushed the kid back, guess who go into trouble.  We had witnesses on the bus, along with HistoryBoy's testimony about what happened but they found "no evidence" and child remained on bus, so I had to drive my son to school for the rest of the school year or until we moved toward end of the year and he rode another bus.

This year, I know I started talking about the bullying.  A TEACHER heard him being harassed and reported it. They said they found no evidence. Part of the problem is HistoryBoy himself.  He tells me he ignores them and tries to not let them bother him because he knows he is not what they call him.  So as far as the school is concerned, he is mentally fine.  But he is not ok, just because he is not letting the bully make him cry in school or hiding in the bathroom does not mean he is ok! They are not the one dealing with my son at home and seeing the effects in the morning if I try to get him to ride the bus or after school when he gets off the bus.
I am at my wit's end and I need help.

I don't want my son to be a statistic.

Learning to love the Library, again.

I got out of the habit of going to the Library regularly when I was in college.  Growing up we were there regularly.  It was the only was we got to read new books to read (unless we got them as presents or from a yard sale).  In College, I only used it for studying. 

When HistoryBoy was little we would go to the Library events they had but we only took out one or two books and then stopped because he got a lot of books for gifts and B&N gift cards. HistoryBoy always uses his school library (mostly to take out books about the Titanic and other disasters), so much so that when he was "graduating" from the elementary to the middle school, the librarian at his school was getting rid of an old copy of a Titanic book and asked if he wanted it (DUH).

Me, I usually looked to buy books at the store, yard sales, the Paper Back Trader, Paper Back Swap, or borrow books from friends and family.  But lately I haven't been doing it as much just because buying books can be an expensive habit as much as I love them.

Now we are library fanatics again. The library has an eBook borrowing service. It rocks. AND if you read my previous blog, we now are supporting HistoryBoy's audio-book habit.  I can only afford so many, like the 3 he has, yeah that about the extent of my ability right now. So we are at the library several times a week now.  
I'm back into the reading habit/addiction I used to have.  Angus swears I read too fast to be human, but I love Love LOVE reading, finding out something new, visiting new places, even if fictional, very few movies EVER due justice to the world I've built up in my mind. I read 6 books in the past few weeks. Started and stopped reading a few others in there, have to go back to finish but another book grabbed my attention so I am in the middle of 2 books and about to go pick up a 3rd from the library because my hold just came in.  LOVE IT! 

If I sound excited I am, Angus doesn't share the same book tastes as me but NOW I have HistoryBoy to share this with.  He is just as excited now.  He asks me to help him find books and what I think he would like. (Hunger Games and Percy Jackson on next on his list!) Books I read and enjoyed, we can talk about now.  

This post probably sounds silly, but it is what it is.  A Thankful mom, sharing her joy! 

Bullying 1001... (Not 101 because we've been there done that)

My son always amazes me. He is so smart and has so much to offer. Yet he is unfortunately getting used to being picked on.

I received a phone call from the principal of his school letting me know that they were investigating an instance of him being bullied. It happens every year, I should be used to it myself but it angers me so much. But that is besides my point, he came home and I asked him about it. Someone on the bus had called him an F*n retard. He ignored the kid. He told me the kid is always making remarks, but another child overheard it this time and reported it.

Will something come of it? Probably not. While these new bullying laws are supposed to help kids, it makes districts very wary of classifying a child as a bully because of all that entails. I think it was better when the child was reported, they got in trouble. Principals office then detention, then suspension after multiple offenses. I feel like I am helpless in this situation. If it is decided the child is a bully, he will have to have counseling. I am not saying it wont help at all but where does it truly give consequences for actions?

My son was picked on in third grade by a child (a grade ahead of him but who also lived in our community). It was before these bullying laws went into effect. The boy would not leave my son alone. At first he ignored him, then he told him to stop, then he pushed him away. Finally he punched the kid in the nose. I talked to him about it because while I truly believe he gave the other child enough notice, he threw the first punch. I really do not have a problem with him defending himself but I don't want him to be seen as the aggressor.

As it turned out, thankfully the principal agreed with me. He said it as obvious that my son wasn't trying to truly harm the other child, he just wanted to be left alone, so he was not going to be suspended (which was the rule at the time for hitting/fighting) He gave him lunchtime detention (no recess) in his office for 3 days. I do have to say that the child no longer picked on my son on the bus or in school that year. He got detentions but he still lived in our community and was a problem to deal with in that way as well. But that is a story for another day...

PS: Does it make me a bad mom that I was proud that took that another child down a notch?

Tough Days/Weeks SUCK

I realized I haven't blogged in two weeks. I have had lots of thoughts, millions of them and I just didn't feel up to putting them out them. I apologize for my laziness if it can be called that. It wasn't exactly that. I will explain.

First, Halloween ran away with me. We (Angus and I) took HistoryBoy, HyperGirl and SassyGirl Trick or Treating. I didn't make it too far. I ended up sitting in the car and Angus walked with the kids. HistoryBoy ened up not feeling well and being sent home from school the next day. He hadn't had much candy just to let you know. He loves trick or treating but he is allergic to chocolate and peanuts so that limits what he can actually eat after the adventure. Doc says it's just his allergies. Fun.

He makes it through the rest of the week. He has the whole next week off due to election day and the teacher's convention and whatnot. We had great plans for this week. However, this cough has other plans for us. He seems to be coughing non-stop. Back to the doc we go... Doc says it could be a virus but he is going to a strep test to be sure. (This is Monday) Now HistoryBoy in the midst of all of this, is supposed to be training for his Black Belt in Karate and is feeling very poorly, which is affecting his performance, with less than a month less to go is making him stressed on top of everything else. So our nice week off turned into a week in bed sleeping, eating soup and drinking lots of fluids and only going out to go to karate class.

He went back to school yesterday to be sent home sick. He stayed home today. Back to the doc again. Today, the doc sent us for a chest x-ray, he didn't like the way he sounded. I have been saying he had a horrible cough from the beginning. It sucks. He sounds like Darth Vadar when he breaths today. He is blowing out so much snot I am going to have to buy stock in Kleenex.

Thankfully for me, I can still rest myself when he is resting. I can make soup in the microwave. He doesn't care. I can hand him a yogurt as a snack. and we can both go back to sleep. Doc says to try to send him to school tomorrow. So I am going to try. He is hoping he makes it through the day. I just want him to have a year where he doesn't pick up EVERY sticking bug that comes down the road. That is usually my job.

Until tomorrow or the day after at the latest...

Helping HistoryBoy Mange Stress

I can't just go up to him and say HistoryBoy Stop being so stressed out. If it were that simple, none of us would get stressed out, but I did some research. In doing so, I found our important skills to help him manage in stressful situations. These skills are awareness, acceptance, coping and dealing. Each skill has its own value in different situations. I will try to better explain them and how they apply to real life situation from what I have read and how we have used them with HistoryBoy.

Awareness

This is simply getting a better understanding of the situation at hand and their role in it. Basically what *is* going on? What am I *supposed* to be doing right now? It is amazing how often I can ask my son this question and his answer will be, I don't know. I have to keep reminding him to pay attention and be aware.

Acceptance

This is realizing that some things are within your control and somethings are not. You are only in control of you. You cannot control what someone else is doing or the noises they are making or whatever it is that might bother you and cause you stress. None of that is within your control. Only what you do is in your control. You have to accept that. This is a big one for our Aspies. My son gets very upset because sometimes he can't even control himself. Basically he feels he is fighting himself to keep control, and it is very hard for an 11 year old.

Coping

If you feel know you are going to be entering a stressful situation, prepare for it. This is where the strategies you have learned to help you cope will help. Will a walk before you help you settle down to work? Can a pair of sound-blocking headphones (these are AMAZING for HistoryBoy) enable you to be more productive in the classroom because the noise is overwhelming?

Dealing (Plan of Action)

This stage is where you make changes in your behavior to counteract or reduce the level of stress. What steps did you decide would help you cope better? Put that plan into action and stick with it. You will notice a HUGE difference in your child. I know I did. We were able to go out to eat at restaurants, go shopping in stores. We could do things that were previously impossible for him without these guides in place. It is amazing was a little (A LOT really) of structure can do for these kids.

HistoryBoy Trying to Understand Emotions

HistoryBoy's Asperger's has its ups and downs, as we all know. My least favorite difficulty is his expressing emotion and understanding emotion in others. He will most likely have this difficulty all of his life. We are working hard to overcome it, helping to read other people, and understand why people say certain things and do certain things. But I even have to pause sometimes and think about why I said something or did something because to me it is second nature.

In all fairness, HistoryBoy has gotten so much better at expressing his emotions than he used to be. He also understands some nuances better than others. While this is a good thing he still doesn't understand when someone says something in anger they don't always mean it or how when someone says one thing, they mean something else.

Our little HistoryBoy and HyperGirl are growing up. A little while back, they have decided they were boyfriend and girlfriend. To everyone, all that means is that they hold hands on the way to the bus sometimes. HistoryBoy is ok with that, it means his best friend is his girl friend, so I guess to his mind, life is perfect.

The other day, I do not know exactly what happened, except the two of them had a fight. They do that from time to time. One will huff and puff and go home. But this time HistoryBoy didn't come home to me, he went off to play with some other kids in the neighborhood and at dinner time I had to go search him out. He was all wound up and I had to really work to get him calm. He told me HyperGirl had broken up with him. He was devastated. Now I know that they had a fight and I know that she probably said this to him. But now I need to explain that this is not the end of the world. HyperGirl and he will most likely be friends again tomorrow, as always.

He and I talk about their past fights and how someone usually goes home mad. I asked him if he ever considered not being her friend, "but she said" Ignore what she said. HyperGirl says things when she is angry and she apologizes when she sees you or she hugs you the next day, doesn't she? "Yes." She has some of the same troubles expressing her emotions. She just overflows with them sometimes. "Oh, I get it. I think, but that is what I like about her. She can understand me too."

Don't worry. Talk to HyperGirl. I bet she misses you already.

Note on Past Meltdown

HistoryBoy doesn't want to ride the school bus. He rode it the first day to school and he rides it home but I CANNOT get him to ride it TO school in the morning, no matter how early we are ready. I fight to get him out the door. I have found I cannot mention the bus. If I just say I am going to take him to school, there is not a problem. However, if I say, it is time to head to the bus, we head toward meltdown city or at the very least make a stop in stubborn town, where nothing goes the way it is supposed to in the morning.

For example, if I need him to be dressed now, he will purposely undress and shower, even though he had his shower last night. He swears he didn't get all the "stink" off last night and needs to wash again. I was in the kitchen making breakfast when he pulled this fast one so I yell for him to make is VERY fast because it is time to leave NOW. I toss a towel into the bathroom and his clothes in there as well. He FINALLY gets out, BUT he no longer want to wear THOSE clothes. He has to wear different clothes.

He is FINALLY FINALLY dressed and we are out the door to school when he decides to talk to me about the bus. He doesn't sit with his friends and he doesn't like it. He doesn't feel safe like he did before. Is anyone picking on you? "No, but no one talks to me either" And there it is. He feels isolated away from friends on the bus. The are only a few seats away but they might as well be miles as far as he is concerned. He can't yell on the bus to them and he won't bother the boys in front of him because of past issues with them. He tolerates it on the way home from school because he is coming home to me, but on the way to school, he just can't do it.

I put a word into the teacher. Have to see if it helps. I don't want him to feel overwhelmed on the bus to school. He needs to feel safe on the bus to school. He should be able to choose where he sits and not be randomly told to sit with the boys, (who he hasn't gotten along with in the past) Have to see what tomorrow brings.

Blogging for a Better Day

I want my life to get easier. I want HistoryBoy's life to get easier. And I know neither one of those things is going to happen soon.

I wake up needing several hours more sleep but HistoryBoy needs to get off to school so I am up to get him up. He is will not get up for me today. I do my best cajoling, tickle, game, blanket pulling. I finally resort to yelling which I know is NOT the way to go because it will NOT work out well. Those of you if you are parent of an Aspie, you know how it can be. Why does he chose today, when I can't handle it to push all my buttons. I know that yelling is NOT going to get the response I need. Unfortunately, I am ready to cry myself because I feel so poorly. I yell for him to get out of bed now I have had enough of his games and he starts banging his head against the wall. I have to just walk away. GREAT start to the morning.

This meltdown he had; I should say that it has been coming on since last night. I noticed he was off but I couldn't put my finger on its source. He was clingy and non-responsive but he can be that way at night when he is tired sometimes so I shooed him of to bed. We read a few chapters of his current book and he fell asleep. And I wake up to HistoryBoy from hell. Is it hormones? Anxiety? Do I need to wake him up earlier? Isn't 6 am early enough? eek!

He finally calmed down. I calmed down. He finally got out of bed and got dressed on his own. THEN decided to take a shower which didn't thrill me but we were late to school already so what was another 15 minutes at this point, right? He then was all dressed, and ready and wanted to sit on my lap and nuzzle me. At this point, I am calm and collected but I am at a complete loss. What is going on? Why is he ok now but was at Defcon 5 just 30 min ago? He is holding onto me and wanting my attention and arms wrapped around him and I am trying to escort him out the door.

He goes into school easily enough, but what about tomorrow? Unfortunately I do not have the energy to try and figure it out now. I need to go back to bed. Like I said in the beginning of this blog... I want my life to get easier. I want HistoryBoy's life to get easier. And I know neither one of those things is going to happen soon...

First Day of 5th Grade

He woke himself up. He set his alarm for 6 am and got up all on his own. I reminded him that he needed to get in and out o the shower because he dad needed to get in at 6:15 and he said "I know." He hopped in and out of the shower got dressed, ate breakfast and was ready in no time, with an hour to spare before we had to leave for the bus. He was happy with that. He said "I wanted to be able to play with my toys before school" I said fine as long as you stop when I say it is time to go.

I went and flopped on the bed for 45 minutes. No need for me to up if he is all ready. LOL. I set my alarm for 7:20 so we would make it to the bus on time. We did with no hitches. He really didn't want to stop playing, but he didn't want to miss riding the bus with HyperGirl and SassyGirl either since this was the first time they has ridden the bus together in two years. We waited to for the bus. I snapped pictures like I do EVERY year of his waiting for the bus. I know one year he is going to be like "M-O-M that is enough!" But it wasn't this year, so I got my pics. Bus comes and off to school they go.

I am not sure yet what time the after school bus is supposed to be here because it is only the first day. By next week they will be in full swing and have everyone where they are supposed to be but not yet so buses run late. So I wait at home instead of sitting by the bus stop for him. He gets home. I ask how he day was he says "Good." I asks for more. I get nothing. I am not surprised. Some days he is not talkative. Us moms of Aspies know how it can be, but I can usually cajole he out of a funk so long as he isn't in meltdown mode, if I try. So I try.

I make him a snack. I take it to him in his room, where he is flopped on his bed. I try to ask him about his day again. He says to me, "Mom, can't you just leave me alone. I just want to be alone." I say ok and try to hug him and get pushed away for my efforts. Was it a bad day at school or was he just overwhelmed? Or is he just tired? Or all of the above? I guess we will have to wait and see. Only tomorrow will tell.

Some Days I Forget...

Some days I forget, or almost forget HistoryBoy is different from any other child because things are going so well. No using mommy as a life life, no hiding, no meltdowns, just a kid being a kid. It was great. Until yesterday...

I am not sure what set it off, or even if it had a trigger. He was playing nicely with his cousin in the morning but even then I could tell he was a little off because I kept having to call him and repeat myself. Then he wouldn't eat lunch even though it was pizza, and if you know HistoryBoy that is one of his favorite food groups. Pizza, Chicken Soup, Grilled Cheese, Hot Dogs and Steamed Dumplings. If I made these every day of his life the child would be happy as a clam. Thankfully he can and will eat other foods too but is VERY gratefully when I have his favorites. But anyway he wouldn't eat, I got him to drink some water but i think he took two bites of pizza.

We head home. It is time for me to lie down and rest. He comes and lays next to me and clings and I ask him what is wrong. He can't or won't say. He just clings. I cuddle him as best I can. I fall asleep and when I awake I realize he has fallen asleep too. I have woken just in time for me to leave for my Doctor's appointment, and I gently awaken HistoryBoy to take him with me. He clings to my arm and doesn't want me to go. I have to go so, I tell him I will drop him off at Mimi's house and he can get some cuddle time from her while I go to my appointment.

I call my mom to make sure she is OK with this arrangement and she says she is. I also let he know he is way off. I do not know what is off but he is not talking, just clinging. I didn't say it but I was thinking, at least he isn't melting down. So I went to my appointment and came back. We had dinner at my mom's and HistoryBoy did eat a little Spaghetti and Meatballs. Not as much as I would have liked. I only gave him a little and he didn't eat all of it, and he wouldn't drink any of his milk. He just kept telling me he was full. After we cleared the table, he wanted me to sit with him in the living room. I sat down and he climbed into my lap. I do need to point out that HistoryBoy is now 11. There is a lot more to him, mostly limbs, looooong legs, than there used to be; he weighs 75 lbs. I shift his weight so it is not really on me and more on the chair. I try to get up after a few minutes but this is where he wants me, close to him. I shift over, so he can sit next to me in the chair and he "allows" that as long as I don't leave him.

After a while we leave to head home. At home, I try talking to him but he isn't opening up. He just says he feels off. So either he doesn't know what is wrong or can't put it into words. A little while later there is a knock at the door HyperGirl and her sister, SassyGirl (HyperGirl came up with the name for her sister) came over. They seemed to bring HistoryBoy out of his funk. He showed them, his new room, which was almost done. And he chattered to them some which I saw as a good sign.

On another note...
The first thing out of HyperGirl's mouth when she saw HistoryBoy's room was "Cool, bunk beds! When can I stay over?" Don't worry Michelle I said NO! Then SassyGirl pipes up "Well I can stay over, I'm not his girlfriend!" Again I said No. LOL HistoryBoy was just laughing, which I took as a good sign.

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Poolside Problems

HistoryBoy can be so easy going and show so much personality, it is easy to forget he has Asperger's, and then there is a day like yesterday where it is so obvious that he is sometimes in his own world.

We are sitting poolside, well I am sitting in the shade, if I sit in the sun, I feel like I am melting almost instantly, whether that is my Lupus or my medication, I heed its warning. HistoryBoy is playing in the pool by himself with his planes, ignoring the other kids around him, talking to himself. When I go to talk to him, he asks me if I will go with him into the Hot Tub and we both go. He practically sits on top of me which is a *BIG* indicator of the kind of day he is having.

I ask him if he is having a bad day. He shrugs. I ask if he is having a good day. He shrugs. I ask what is wrong. Again, he shrugs. O.K. It is one of those days. He just wants to sit on my lap and be close. Now HistoryBoy is 10, and mostly limbs. He is trying to fit his body which seems to be growing daily onto my lap which seems to be shrinking. I just rub his back and we sit in the bubbling hot water of the Hot Tub, just the two of us. When I am too warm to sit any longer, I tell him it is time to go and he just gets up and goes with me without a question, no argument. (Where is my normal HistoryBoy?)

We go sit by the side of the pool and I wrap him in a towel when he realizes that another child is playing with his planes. He tells me the boy's name is Joseph and he is nice. I ask if he wants to go and play with him. He say yes, so I let him. He starts to interact with Joseph and I see some of glimpses of HistoryBoy peeking out. He laughs and smiles some. I decide to go into the pool and cool off.

In a few minutes, I am being attacked by both boys. Each time I turn my back one of them tries to tickle me or tackle me. I may not be healthy or strong but a 10 and 8 year old in the water are not going to knock me over unless they attempt it together and don't tell them I said that! HistoryBoy is laughing and giggling and being a "normal" happy kid again. I do not know what was wrong but he has let it go or it let go of him.

The knot I had had in my chest all day for him came undone. I hate to see him so wound and upset and not be able to help. It is my job as mom to help and protect him but I can't protect him from himself when it is him own mind/body causing the problem, but I will do my best, as always. He deserves nothing less.

Sunday at Church with HistoryBoy

Usually Sundays are not too bad. They are relatively easy-going days (with the exception of Easter Sunday). HistoryBoy was up and dressed and ready to go to church. I should say he was up early and ready to go. Up AND READY in enough time to watch a movie before church. SO we sat as a family and watched a movie, which was really nice because usually it is like pulling teeth to get anywhere on time with HistoryBoy but that is another issue for another day.

So we get to church, and of course HistoryBoy wants to sit in the loft. It is his favorite place to sit. He can be high up and watch the mass and people down below and there are only three pews in the loft so it is not overloaded with people. To let everyone know, I am not against sitting in the loft, but the pews are uncomfortable, when they replaced the pews with comfy ones in the lower church they did NOT replace them in the loft so they are old uncomfy wooden ones AND I am not so good on stairs with my hip, but I want HistoryBoy to be able to handle church so we do what we have to do.

Apparently, today something is off though. He keeps pacing the loft, which is not usual for him. He usually stands at the front staring over the rail for most of the mass. When he is not pacing he comes over to me and wants to sit on my lap, which I let him at first but he weighs 70 lbs and I can't take the weight more than a few minutes, so he sits on the step next to my pew and rocks himself. I know something is up, I rub his back and he puts his head on my knee and keeps rocking. I ask him what's wrong and he shrugs he doesn't know. He says he feels overwhelmed but he doesn't know why.

I feel so bad for him. He is trying so hard, I just want to take him home and make it all better. He stands when it is time to stand although he is clinging to me like a lifeline. When it is time to sit, he curls up and does his rocking thing. The only time I see him open up is when they start singing "Lamb of God" which had always been his favorite song at mass, and he starts singing, beautifully. I love my HistoryBoy.

When mass is over, he gives me a big hug and asks if we are going to go see GG (my grandmom) now. And I realize now why he was so upset during mass, even if he doesn't. He was trying to work out his sadness over GG being sick, and even though he wants to see her, but it is hard for him to see her so sick. He had asked on Saturday about going to see her after church on Sunday and I had said it was a very good idea if he would like to. Given the meltdown he had after his visit on Monday night, I was a little nervous, but if though he was up to it, I wasn't against it.

There is no easy answer to helping him cope. No simple way to make her all better. She is 87 (maybe 88?) years old and may not get better. That is the real problem, for us and him.

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Asperger's is not alone - Part 2 - Anxiety Issues

I though about calling this blog "What does he have to be anxious about?"

Anxiety seems like such an adult word. Most of my friends and family know that HistoryBoy has a mixture of health issues yet when I mention to people that HistoryBoy has anxiety issues. They look at me strangely. "What does he have to be anxious about?" Almost everything, anything can stress him out. What will happen on his TV program if he doesn't see the end? We don't have juice boxes in the pantry, what is he going to have for snack tomorrow? If my two best friends are absent from school who do I play with on the playground?

These don't seem like huge problems. The TV show is most likely on again, or I could record the end of it for it. I can go to the store to buy more juice boxes. He could play with someone else on the playground at lunchtime. But it isn't that simple in an Asperger's world. I wish it was for him. For him, that TV show may never be on again, an he NEEDS to see it end. He knows the only way to get more juice boxes are to go the store but he really doesn't want to brave the supermarket to get more, so what should he do? And as with all Aspies, his social skills aren't quite up to par, so his friends are his comfort zone. They know his, they play with him, they allow him his quirks, how does he approach another kid. (This happened one day this school year, he refused to go to school the next day because he said it was too hard, he sat crying and wouldn't say why) It took him over half of recess to join another group of kids and interact with them.

How can such a small package wrap so much anxiety up inside himself?