Homework Issues

Homework is one of those things that HistoryBoy LOVES to procrastinate over. He will procrastinate until almost bedtime even though I have been fighting him all afternoon to do it. Then suddenly at bedtime he wants to do his homework.  Oh yay, now I get to stay up when I want to go to bed. We have taken away events with friends, videos games, toys. Nothing seems to help.

The child who used to love to do his homework right after school is gone. Replaced by this miserable procrastinating teenager who thinks it is fun to drive his mother nuts.  I have sent him to bed early because I am frustrated with it.  He then cries that I am being mean, he wants to do his homework now and I'm not letting him.  Save me from drama!

Part of the problem is that he views school as an interruption in his learning time, not as the time he should be learning. He thinks he learns by watching documentaries and watching videos. I know he does, but he needs to understand the value of school, and remember how much he used to love school.  

I know the past few years have been rough for him but I don't want him to fall through the cracks and be just a statistic.  He's worked too hard on getting himself this far. He's finally finding himself but expressing it in all the wrong ways. I am not giving up obviously but I am struggling to help him, balance what he needs with what he wants.  Together we will survive this, I hope.

The Hope and Dream of HistoryBoy Part 2

HistoryBoy amazes me. He is sweet, smart and talented.  He wants to sing and act when he grows up.  I told him that I had nothing against that but I think he should have a back-up just in case it doesn't work out the way he hopes.

We discussed what he likes, Legos, Transformers, Star Wars, and History.  He thinks working for Lego would be awesome.  He has some great ideas for new Legos.  I told him it takes more than being good with Legos to get a job at Lego, you need a degree in whatever it is the position you want requires. He told me he likes to design things but he doesn't know if he wants to be an engineer.  I told him that that is fine.  He doesn't have to be.




I asked him what he liked and thought he would like to do.  He told me.  "I really like History, mom.  Do you think I could be a History teacher?"  I told him that that was a great idea.  He loves learning more and more about history, and he loves to share his knowledge.  I could see him doing very well.

When I mentioned this to someone, they thought it would not work because of his tendency to run on about a subject when he gets excited about it. I am not worried about that.  I have seen my son with other children, especially those younger than him, and others who are like him.  He is very empathetic.  He slows down and explains, and wants to help. He doesn't want anyone to feel left out or left behind. This is a great trait for a teacher.  He will do his best to not let his students down.  He will also be an enthusiastic teacher.  He LOVES History and LOVES sharing all that knowledge.  


Now this isn't his final decision.  He is only in 8th grade, but we've started the journey.  We begun a discussion and he didn't freak out.  He thought about it and figured out something he liked to do within the structure of what he knows.  I am proud of him.  I don't know that he won't change his mind before he's through but I'm proud that he took the first step towards his future.

Hiding From Bullies

I am so tired of bullying.  I am tired of my son being harassed on the bus and at school.  It is to the point where he does not want to ride the bus and I have to drive him to school in the mornings.  It is too early in the year for him to be this upset...



I'll back up, for those of you that don't know.  HistoryBoy has a bully problem.  Unfortunately he almost always has a bully problem.  He is a smart, unusual and mostly quiet inside himself kid, which makes him a perfect target. The big problem is he is super smart, he knows most of the answers in science and social studies and has HUGE background knowledge in addition to what he is learning.  It means teachers are impressed, other students, mo so much.

The issue this year stems from several students calling him a Retard.  He didn't even know what it was.  He came home from school asking me what it meant.  I told him if the bully calls him it again, simply tell him, "I am smarter than you so what does that make you?" That seemed to make him happier, I got him on the bus the day I gave him that ammo.  He came home from school and told me the same child had called him a douche when he gave his reply. I explained what that was and why he was *NOT* that. I told him he needed to say "Do you even know what that it?"  Because I can almost guarantee the bully does not, he is simply repeating something he heard.

HistoryBoy has been dealing with bullies since about 3rd grade.  Before that the kids in his class all knew him and were his friends, and understanding of his quirks.  In 4th grade, he hated going to school on the bus.  We complained and a child got removed from the bus. But it took more than just me and Matt reporting him.  The child finally harassed someone else and now that it was a pattern..  Move forward 2 years.  Same child is now on the middle school bus with him, harassing him, calling names, hitting.  Matt reported him to bus driver, driver told him to be quiet and sit down.  SO when he finally pushed the kid back, guess who go into trouble.  We had witnesses on the bus, along with HistoryBoy's testimony about what happened but they found "no evidence" and child remained on bus, so I had to drive my son to school for the rest of the school year or until we moved toward end of the year and he rode another bus.

This year, I know I started talking about the bullying.  A TEACHER heard him being harassed and reported it. They said they found no evidence. Part of the problem is HistoryBoy himself.  He tells me he ignores them and tries to not let them bother him because he knows he is not what they call him.  So as far as the school is concerned, he is mentally fine.  But he is not ok, just because he is not letting the bully make him cry in school or hiding in the bathroom does not mean he is ok! They are not the one dealing with my son at home and seeing the effects in the morning if I try to get him to ride the bus or after school when he gets off the bus.
I am at my wit's end and I need help.

I don't want my son to be a statistic.

Mom, You're a Teacher...

HistoryBoy loves school, normally, but when he is frustrated, his goto response is "Mom, you're a teacher, can't you just be my teacher?" Now I have thought this over many, MANY times. Sometimes I think it would be great, we wouldn't have to stick to an exact timetable.  His learning could be more focused on what he enjoys and still follow the standard curriculum.  It could be fun!

Then I wake up and realize that I am not completely equipped to do this... I am a math teacher.  I am not a English, Social Studies person AT ALL.  I loved science and math in school myself, and while I have NEVER discouraged HistoryBoy's love of history, a lot of it bores me to tears.

I am also not a grammar teacher. I write well now but I do not think that I am equipped to teach it. I hated learning all the extra vocabulary words even if they helped me. P.S.  I have spell check and grammar check on for my writing to help me.

Realize I am not saying I couldn't, I just don't think that it is in his best interest. The teacher in me wants to.  We could have all the cool day trips to learn about stuff.  Philadelphia day trips I always enjoyed to see the History there! I grew up in Woodbury (5 min from where I live now LOL), founded in 1683, a city rich in History. The Battleship NJ is close, museums are close. Several zoos are close by... There is so much we could do if he wasn't in physical school every day.  I could see myself enjoying it and all the time I would spend with him...

Biggest drawback is that HistoryBoy is WAY to dependent on me as it is.  I am his crutch, his security blanket to protect his from the world.  He needs to develop skills to depend on me less not more...  He needs the socialization that school brings, the extra-curricular activities that help him learn to interact with his peers better.  I am not his peer, I can't teach him that.

On the days when I watch him struggle to handle what is going on, the mom in me wants to remove him from the situation and simply protect him.  It's my job right?  Yes, but it is also my job to make sure he grows up to be a wonderful, successful adult who contributes to society, so I have to withdraw myself as his crutch and let him stumble a little, even when it kills me to watch.  Knowing in the long run, it will be better for him.

Note on Past Meltdown

HistoryBoy doesn't want to ride the school bus. He rode it the first day to school and he rides it home but I CANNOT get him to ride it TO school in the morning, no matter how early we are ready. I fight to get him out the door. I have found I cannot mention the bus. If I just say I am going to take him to school, there is not a problem. However, if I say, it is time to head to the bus, we head toward meltdown city or at the very least make a stop in stubborn town, where nothing goes the way it is supposed to in the morning.

For example, if I need him to be dressed now, he will purposely undress and shower, even though he had his shower last night. He swears he didn't get all the "stink" off last night and needs to wash again. I was in the kitchen making breakfast when he pulled this fast one so I yell for him to make is VERY fast because it is time to leave NOW. I toss a towel into the bathroom and his clothes in there as well. He FINALLY gets out, BUT he no longer want to wear THOSE clothes. He has to wear different clothes.

He is FINALLY FINALLY dressed and we are out the door to school when he decides to talk to me about the bus. He doesn't sit with his friends and he doesn't like it. He doesn't feel safe like he did before. Is anyone picking on you? "No, but no one talks to me either" And there it is. He feels isolated away from friends on the bus. The are only a few seats away but they might as well be miles as far as he is concerned. He can't yell on the bus to them and he won't bother the boys in front of him because of past issues with them. He tolerates it on the way home from school because he is coming home to me, but on the way to school, he just can't do it.

I put a word into the teacher. Have to see if it helps. I don't want him to feel overwhelmed on the bus to school. He needs to feel safe on the bus to school. He should be able to choose where he sits and not be randomly told to sit with the boys, (who he hasn't gotten along with in the past) Have to see what tomorrow brings.

And Back to School Night!!

Well you know the IEP went well, so did Back to School Night! I had already met the teacher, so that was easy. I just had to introduce Angus to them. Then we had to sit down and listen to Mrs. S's presentation about the school year and what is expected of our little cherubs. Nothing unexpected there. The only bad think is that these desk have no storage space so our kiddies have to keep
EVERYTHING on top of their desks ALL day. You should see how they are stacked. They will get lockers...eventually, but not yet. They are still in the adjustment period. I am not sure who decides when they are adjusted enough to get a locker. Is there a locker fairy who taps each kid on the head and says "You are now locker ready!" And suddenly They Are!... Nah I don't think so.

But Anyway. So After the presentation, we signed up for the PTO, and checked out the band room. Yes our HistoryBoy is going to be in the band! I will tell that story tomorrow maybe. :-) All in all Back to school night went well. I even ran

into an old friend. Her son is in HistoryBoy's class! When I realized it, I texted her! Yes, I texted her while sitting in the Mrs S's Back to School Night presentation. I said "YAY! Our kids are in the same class! We can hang out now! Not like we couldn't hang out before, but now we have an excuse! LOL!" I was all non-chalant about the texting, hiding my phone under the desk while doing it, and she took her phone out of her purse to check hers, and laugh and look at me, lol!

I think HistoryBoy and I are going to have a fun year!

IEP Meeting went AWESOME!

Guess What?! History Boy has started a new school year! Did you know that? I bet you forgot! But that isn't the best part. He made it through the first week. He likes his class. He likes his teachers and his aide. Yay! :-)

But on Day 4 of school I have an IEP Meeting, and not just any IEP Meeting. It is the IEP meeting that is where we discuss his review of his classification and could be retesting and all that good stuff. You moms know what I mean. It comes up EVERY 3 years years and HistoryBoy is due. So I get to meet his teachers at this meeting, only 4 days into school. I am a little scared. I know my HistoryBoy seems happy, but well I know my HistoryBoy. LOL.

I meet Mrs. S and Mrs. H and they we discuss HistoryBoy and they have read over his IEP and most of the stuff is listed as "as needed." I tell them what may be more "needed" than others and how to handle his outbursts of knowledge. It is hard to stop out Aspies flow of information once it is going and apparently she is already aware of this on Day 4 but I gave her some suggestions so he doesn't feel bad for sharing, like "If we have time later we can come back but we have to move on to ... this or give someone else a chance etc" I have found these to help me when I need him to slow his flow a little. It doesn't always work. Sometimes he just has to say what he has to say, but sometimes it does.

Once we all settle into IEP meeting mode, we discuss that YAY! we are just going to keep his placement as is! No retesting. If I am happy with his current level of service and we know he still qualifies for services, he does not need to be retested. So no pull out for all those tests again. I am SOOO happy. That would be so hard for him as his is just starting the whole middle school thing. So NO RE-EVAL! NO RE-DETERMINING Eligibility! YAY! He is just eligible because he is! We know he has ADHD and Asperger's and OT isssues and it is documented and we have observed! I am so glad his teachers and therapists were so on the ball. We were able to discuss and fine tune things yesterday and make sure the teachers were aware of what HistoryBoy can do, but he also has to have consequences for misbehavior and such.

Now we can just move forward from this point. I am not saying it will not be a bumpy road. This is middle school. A whole new venture for my growing into a young man HistoryBoy. He needs to take more responsiblity for himself. He can't rely on mom to check everything for him all the time. Pretty soon (age 13), he will be included in these meetings with me and have a say himself. I am so proud to know I have help to mold him to this point. He is my greatest achievement, my little miracle, my angel. I love you HistoryBoy.

First Day of 5th Grade

He woke himself up. He set his alarm for 6 am and got up all on his own. I reminded him that he needed to get in and out o the shower because he dad needed to get in at 6:15 and he said "I know." He hopped in and out of the shower got dressed, ate breakfast and was ready in no time, with an hour to spare before we had to leave for the bus. He was happy with that. He said "I wanted to be able to play with my toys before school" I said fine as long as you stop when I say it is time to go.

I went and flopped on the bed for 45 minutes. No need for me to up if he is all ready. LOL. I set my alarm for 7:20 so we would make it to the bus on time. We did with no hitches. He really didn't want to stop playing, but he didn't want to miss riding the bus with HyperGirl and SassyGirl either since this was the first time they has ridden the bus together in two years. We waited to for the bus. I snapped pictures like I do EVERY year of his waiting for the bus. I know one year he is going to be like "M-O-M that is enough!" But it wasn't this year, so I got my pics. Bus comes and off to school they go.

I am not sure yet what time the after school bus is supposed to be here because it is only the first day. By next week they will be in full swing and have everyone where they are supposed to be but not yet so buses run late. So I wait at home instead of sitting by the bus stop for him. He gets home. I ask how he day was he says "Good." I asks for more. I get nothing. I am not surprised. Some days he is not talkative. Us moms of Aspies know how it can be, but I can usually cajole he out of a funk so long as he isn't in meltdown mode, if I try. So I try.

I make him a snack. I take it to him in his room, where he is flopped on his bed. I try to ask him about his day again. He says to me, "Mom, can't you just leave me alone. I just want to be alone." I say ok and try to hug him and get pushed away for my efforts. Was it a bad day at school or was he just overwhelmed? Or is he just tired? Or all of the above? I guess we will have to wait and see. Only tomorrow will tell.