REBOG - Please Don't Let Me Get Dirty!!

Reblog fron 4/27/11
You know how most kids are into playing in the dirt and mud and making messes. HistoryBoy was not like that. He would NOT touch a finger paint. He hated digging in the sand at the beach. He loved playing in the ocean but he had to wash off the sand. If he got food on his hand he had to wipe it off. 

These were all big clues to a larger sensory issue, but we always joked that he got my mom's clean freak genes. These are issues that can be worked on with most kids. We kept trying working with fingers paint. Here was something I tried. I used a paint with water book and let him dip his finger in the water. His fingers stay relatively clean and he colors. He thought it was neat. It is all in the baby steps. 



He finally got to the point now, where he will use fingers paint but he has to be allowed to wash his hands off as soon as he is done. And we let him not feel it was an issue. He didn't like having his hands dirty, so I had wipes or he made trips to the bathroom to wash his hands. It is what made him feel comfortable. Now he loves puddles and splashing, although he is usually wearing his sneakers at the time. Sand is something that he found out sea turtles build nests in so it must be cool to play in. Again, baby steps. We all take the world in in our own way.

As a Note: HistoryBoy nows loves to paint.  He doesn't like his hands majorly messy but it's ok if some paint get on him.  I pointed out that he wasn't the neatest eater sometimes, with his shirts or pants catching what missed him mouth.  He laughed and joked that his body was making up for his hands not wanting to be be messy.  Those baby steps are making me smile each day.

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

REBLOG: Some Days I Forget

Reposted from 8/30/11
Some days I forget, or almost forget HistoryBoy is different from any other child because things are going so well. No using mommy as a life line, no hiding, no meltdowns, just a kid being a kid. It was great. 

Until yesterday...

I am not sure what set it off, or even if it had a trigger. He was playing nicely with his cousin in the morning but even then I could tell he was a little off because I kept having to call him and repeat myself. Then he wouldn't eat lunch even though it was pizza, and if you know HistoryBoy that is one of his favorite food groups. Pizza, Chicken Soup, Grilled Cheese, Hot Dogs and Steamed Dumplings.  If I made these every day of his life the child would be happy as a clam. Thankfully he can and will eat other foods too but is VERY gratefully when I have his favorites. But anyway he wouldn't eat, I got him to drink some water but i think he took two bites of pizza.

We head home. It is time for me to lie down and rest. He comes and lays next to me and clings and I ask him what is wrong. He can't or won't say. He just clings. I cuddle him as best I can. I fall asleep and when I awake I realize he has fallen asleep too. I have woken just in time for me to leave for my Doctor's appointment, and I gently awaken HistoryBoy to take him with me. He clings to my arm and doesn't want me to go. I have to go so, I tell him I will drop him off at Mimi's house and he can get some cuddle time from her while I go to my appointment.

I call my mom to make sure she is OK with this arrangement and she says she is. I also let he know he is way off. I do not know what is off but he is not talking, just clinging. I didn't say it but I was thinking, at least he isn't melting down. So I went to my appointment and came back. We had dinner at my mom's and HistoryBoy did eat a little Spaghetti and Meatballs. Not as much as I would have liked. I only gave him a little and he didn't eat all of it, and he wouldn't drink any of his milk. He just kept telling me he was full. After we cleared the table, he wanted me to sit with him in the living room. I sat down and he climbed into my lap. I do need to point out that HistoryBoy is now 11. There is a lot more to him, mostly limbs, looooong legs, than there used to be; he weighs 75 lbs. I shift his weight so it is not really on me and more on the chair. I try to get up after a few minutes but this is where he wants me, close to him. I shift over, so he can sit next to me in the chair and he "allows" that as long as I don't leave him.

After a while we leave to head home. At home, I try talking to him but he isn't opening up. He just says he feels off. So either he doesn't know what is wrong or can't put it into words. A little while later there is a knock at the door HyperGirl and her sister, SassyGirl (HyperGirl came up with the name for her sister) came over. They seemed to bring HistoryBoy out of his funk. He showed them, his new room, which was almost done. And he chattered to them some which I saw as a good sign.

On another note...
The first thing out of HyperGirl's mouth when she saw HistoryBoy's room was "Cool, bunk beds! When can I stay over?" Don't worry Michelle I said NO! Then SassyGirl pipes up "Well I can stay over, I'm not his girlfriend!" Again I said No. LOL HistoryBoy was just laughing, which I took as a good sign.

I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Homework Issues

Homework is one of those things that HistoryBoy LOVES to procrastinate over. He will procrastinate until almost bedtime even though I have been fighting him all afternoon to do it. Then suddenly at bedtime he wants to do his homework.  Oh yay, now I get to stay up when I want to go to bed. We have taken away events with friends, videos games, toys. Nothing seems to help.

The child who used to love to do his homework right after school is gone. Replaced by this miserable procrastinating teenager who thinks it is fun to drive his mother nuts.  I have sent him to bed early because I am frustrated with it.  He then cries that I am being mean, he wants to do his homework now and I'm not letting him.  Save me from drama!

Part of the problem is that he views school as an interruption in his learning time, not as the time he should be learning. He thinks he learns by watching documentaries and watching videos. I know he does, but he needs to understand the value of school, and remember how much he used to love school.  

I know the past few years have been rough for him but I don't want him to fall through the cracks and be just a statistic.  He's worked too hard on getting himself this far. He's finally finding himself but expressing it in all the wrong ways. I am not giving up obviously but I am struggling to help him, balance what he needs with what he wants.  Together we will survive this, I hope.

REBLOG - WAY too Literal

from 8/24/11

We all know that our Aspies can be literal. HistoryBoy is very much so but it has become less and less noticeable. Maybe I am just used to it, or maybe it is because he knows he is too literal and has been using his literalness for humor with plays on words and so forth. I am happy about this because from I have read and learned from others, for most Aspies, a sense of humor is non existent but back to my point.

(HistoryBoy LOVED this.  He said it made perfect sense!)

As I stated, HistoryBoy is very literal, I can't use colloquialisms. They just make him go huh? most times. I remember arguing with my brother one time and telling him to take his head out of his butt. HistoryBoy looks at my brother then looks at me, looks back at my brother then tells me "Mom, his head isn't up his butt. How would he get his head up his butt anyway? It's too big." I think we all laughed over that one.

(When HistoryBoy saw this scene recently, he ACTUALLY got the joke but he is 14 now, this post that is being reblogged was originally written in 2011)

Another time he wasn't paying attention to me, and I called him a space cadet. He asked me if that was an astronaut. I said not exactly. LOL

I told him he was giving me grey hair. Honestly I only have about a dozen or so grey hairs but I attribute each and every one of them to him. And he kept asking me how can he cause my hair to turn color, and he wanted to know what he has to do to make it change color. I am not sure if he wanted to understand the phenomenon or see it in action.

(I could see HistoryBoy doing this)

I have been noticing him literalness less and less though. However yesterday we were at a get together and a made a comment. He had a flying monkey stuffed toy. And I made the comment I might not be quoting it exactly right (from an 80s or 90s movie) "and monkeys might fly out my butt" HistoryBoy stared at my butt, looks at his toy monkey and says what? I laugh and repeat what I said. He looks at me again confused, "How is that even possible?" I burst out laughing.

I love my son, he makes my life interesting.

The Hope and Dream of HistoryBoy Part 2

HistoryBoy amazes me. He is sweet, smart and talented.  He wants to sing and act when he grows up.  I told him that I had nothing against that but I think he should have a back-up just in case it doesn't work out the way he hopes.

We discussed what he likes, Legos, Transformers, Star Wars, and History.  He thinks working for Lego would be awesome.  He has some great ideas for new Legos.  I told him it takes more than being good with Legos to get a job at Lego, you need a degree in whatever it is the position you want requires. He told me he likes to design things but he doesn't know if he wants to be an engineer.  I told him that that is fine.  He doesn't have to be.




I asked him what he liked and thought he would like to do.  He told me.  "I really like History, mom.  Do you think I could be a History teacher?"  I told him that that was a great idea.  He loves learning more and more about history, and he loves to share his knowledge.  I could see him doing very well.

When I mentioned this to someone, they thought it would not work because of his tendency to run on about a subject when he gets excited about it. I am not worried about that.  I have seen my son with other children, especially those younger than him, and others who are like him.  He is very empathetic.  He slows down and explains, and wants to help. He doesn't want anyone to feel left out or left behind. This is a great trait for a teacher.  He will do his best to not let his students down.  He will also be an enthusiastic teacher.  He LOVES History and LOVES sharing all that knowledge.  


Now this isn't his final decision.  He is only in 8th grade, but we've started the journey.  We begun a discussion and he didn't freak out.  He thought about it and figured out something he liked to do within the structure of what he knows.  I am proud of him.  I don't know that he won't change his mind before he's through but I'm proud that he took the first step towards his future.

The Hopes and Dreams of HistoryBoy Part 1

We have done a lot of talking HistoryBoy and I.  He is so smart yet can be so afraid of the world because of its reaction to him.  He gets over excited when he has something he wants to say and he words just tumble out.  He can't stop his flow of words once he gets started and not everyone is ok with that.


We've been talking lately about what he wants to do when he grows up because while college is over 4 years away, he needs to be thinking about a direction.  Not that anything is set in stone or has to be but we have to plan now so that he is prepared when the time comes, no surprises. He still panics from time to time when I mention the fact he will have to have a life plan and move out once he is an adult.  (I am not kicking him out but I want him to know he needs to have a plan and a goal)


HistoryBoy, as I mentioned in my blog the other day, has found his niche.  He is a gifted vocalist, and no that is not just me being proud mama (although I am).  He has been bugging me for years to do our local theater, but we always had my get healthy trips to Florida in the summer so it wasn't possible.  Well this summer, they were performing Camp Rock.  He begged me to please let him to it.  

So we did not go to Florida this summer, and HistoryBoy not only auditioned, HE GOT THE LEAD in the play.  My HistoryBoy, the quiet, inside himself kid, opened himself up and showed what he was made of.  He went from the kid who in the beginning of summer didn't talk and sat by himself with his toys or ipad to walking in and kids saying Hi HistoryBoy and his answering back and him sitting and chatting with them before rehearsals began for the day. IT WAS AMAZING!  I am so proud of him!  And those of you who know us, you know how truly amazing this really has been.  I am hoping for nothing but good things now! 

REBLOG: The first time you realize something is different about your child - Part 2

REBLOG (from 4/26/11)

Yesterday’s blog (REBLOG 11/12/14)was not long enough and didn’t say as much as I could have said. I should have said it took me a long time to realize that HistoryBoy was different from other kids. Not just different but different enough to be excluded by others his own age.

In preschool kids pretty much do their own thing; I play with this you play with that. They may play with the same toys but they don't always intersect play. HistoryBoy also had VERY definite ideas of how to play. You had to play it his way or you couldn’t play with him. He would get very agitated. I just assumed it was immaturity. He was a boy, he was a born 5 ½ weeks early. It would all come in time. But it didn’t. 

His preschool teacher was the one who recommended we get him evaluated by the child study team. Why? Won’t he be ok in

Kindergarten? He has all the skills he needs. Should I have realized he needed help sooner? Did I do something wrong? Did my mommy radar go off somewhere? 

All of these thoughts went through my head. I went home all upset, cried and I realized I couldn’t change anything I had done up to that point. I could only go from here. Kicking myself wouldn’t help HistoryBoy. So I set up the Child Study Team Evaluation and an appointment with a pediatric neurologist. It was just the beginning…

I would love to hear from you. 

Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Life Training an Autistic 13 Year Old.

Life shouldn't overwhelm you on a daily basis, but welcome to our world, right? In trying to talk to HistoryBoy about the future we've hit a few stumbling blocks. Most times, I can't talk about his future without him having a full blown panic attack. Normal? I think not. But why rock the boat now, he's only 13?  True, but he has to develop some skills for taking care of himself.  I cannot do it forever and I wouldn't want that for him or I either.

Our first big hurdle was simply getting him to make his own breakfast and lunch.  I should say that he will willingly raid the fridge and clean me out of lunch meat without eating a slice of bread on a regular basis if unchecked and he knows how to microwave hot pockets and hot dogs, so he won't starve. But is that living or taking care of himself? 

We talked about it and he understand that is isn't just about now but about the future.  What if some day he wants to cook dinner for a girlfriend.  Does he think she will be impressed with hot pockets?  He came to realize it is a skill he will need even if he is not utilizing it now.  (YAY ME!) 

Another bigggie is me not having to remind him, wash you hair, brush your teeth.  He has been doing these things without reminders more and more frequently.  If I could just get him to remember his meds 100% of the time without my help, we'd be set!




Also, He has been making his bed which is a HUGE thing too.  He used to fight me on it all the time. "Why do I have to make my bed?  Why do I have to clean my room?"  The clean room thing is still a work in progress but he is making his bed with regularity.  He knows how to vacuum, fill/empty the dishwasher, take out the trash and mow a lawn so he will be able to do those things for himself in his own place when the time comes.  For now, he just doesn't mind the chores, as long as I don't bug him about his room.  Remember that Berenstain Bears Book.  That is what his room makes me think of but, eh, one thing at a time.

He wants to be successful, so I am confident he will be.  We just have to take it one day at a time, one skill at a time.  With the knowledge that, one day, who knows how soon, he will need them.

I'd love to hear from you
teenahope@gmail.com

REBLOG: The first time you realize something is different about your child

first posted 4/25/11

The first time you realize something is different about your child...

You want to cry. Why should he be different? Are you sure little Sally next to him isn't just amazingly gifted or something? He knows his numbers and letters. He speaks well. Ok yes I know he can't sit still very long but he can stay on one topic, as him about trains or start singing a wiggles soundtrack and you are good for hours.



These traits confused the doctors. They decided ADHD was the most prominent condition and once that was under control we could address HistoryBoy's other issues. It was amazing. It took some trial and error to find the right medication but once we did, it worked wonders. So much so that it left little doubt that he also had Asperger's, once the ADHD was under control. With his ADHD under control. he reads almost like some textbook cases of Asperger's. And there is no magic cure or pill for Asperger's, it is trial and error and therapy and hope it works.

The scary part comes now. HistoryBoy is on the cusp of puberty. He is only 10. But we can tell the hormones have started the telltale baby mustache, he has gotten a few zits, and started with mood swings, more so than the normal Aspie ones. Fun stuff I tell you. If anyone had advice on that I will GLADLY take it. I am so not ready for a teenager yet. Like I said he is still 10, he will be 11 this summer... it never gets easier

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

REBLOG: Easter Sunday started out well... (reposted from 04/24/11)

Part 1: The Easter Bunny made his yearly visit we got ready for church, minimal hassle. We got to
church early and got a seat in the balcony which my son from here on called HistoryBoy loves. I personally have trouble walking up the stairs with my hip but that is another issue entirely, but it makes him happy and he will behave all through mass. All is going well until about halfway through he tries to stand the kneeler up. Apparent it was not attached to the pew so it flips over and off under the pew ahead of us. HistoryBoy just shut down. We got the kneeler back in place but he just put his head in his lap and rocked for a few min. I got him back on track mostly by the Our Father, but he was still a little off. Mass ended, crisis over or averted sort of...

Part 2: We decided to go to the Train Station for lunch. We love the food there. HistoryBoy love it because any of you who know him know his first love was trains long before he was the HistoryBoy we know and love. We were seated and ordered and everything was fine, until a bee entered our area.  HistoryBoy cannot be in the same room as a bee. We shooed the bee away, got he re-settled down and the bee came back and he ran out of the room and wouldn't come back. We ended up having to eat our meals in the other room from my parents because the bee was still happily buzzing a the outside tables where my parents were eating.

Part 3: After a rest for myself at home, we went to my mom's to help with Easter dinner prep. HistoryBoy stood on the steps waiting, watching out the window for a full hour, waiting for my brother to arrive with my 2 yr old nephew. He wouldn't move from that spot until they arrived because he didn't want to miss them getting here.

Part 4: It was a long day. Dinner was great, Everybody ate everything they wanted. But HistoryBoy is
exhausted and now easily upset because he is tired. We give him two chores to do, but apparently that was too many, he crashes and burns a starts to bang his head against the wall tonight 3 times them he stops. I tried to get him to stop this behavior but he tells me it calms him, so while it scares the craps out of me it makes him feels better, I think I need the psychologist to explain that one to me...

Each piece had its good parts and each piece had a Aspie trait show up. But if my experiences help you, then it has done some good. :) Look forward to hearing from you

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Where oh where has my HistoryBoy gone!?!

Do you remember that little boy I used to write about?  The one who melted down all the time, who couldn't go out to without melting down because of over stimulation.  Well my HistoryBoy (who really wants me to start using his real name in my blog so he can be "famous") is really coming into his own.

Every child needs that, espcially our Aspies who feel so isolated so much of time.  They want to fit in so bad and interact like everyone else and don't know how.  So, what changed? Did I wave a magic wand and suddenly he was no longer autistic? No, it wasn't that easy.  He's still autistic, still, ADHD and has epilepsy to top that all off, so no, none of those issues have gone away. 

SO what has changed you ask, history himself has changed. He found that niche for himself where he excels and has made friends there. He found something he loves and is very good at (if I do say so myself) and he is accepted for himself, a group of peers who look and see the "real" HistoryBoy and his talent. What more could a mom ask for?

Blog Reboot! ASPERGER'S SYNDROME IS NOT A DISEASE!

Over the next few weeks you will see new posts interspersed with some of my old writings to rejuvenate my blog for you (and for me!) To remind me WHY I started this all in the first place

Starting with today, (Originally published 4/23/11)

ASPERGER'S SYNDROME IS NOT A DISEASE!

   I heard someone today refer to Asperger's as a disease. Asperger's Syndrome is very high functioning autism. People who have Asperger's are generally socially inept and immature for their age. They also tend to obsess over one or two things that interest them and not much else. Social interaction is very difficult for kids with Asperger's. 

   They tend to bore other kids because of their single minded obsessions, and thus get picked on a lot. They also get easily bored or frustrated with other kids because they cannot understand why the other kids could care less about the difference between the Titanic and its sister ship the Olympic etc. Also, people with Asperger's have a hard time understanding body language and facial expressions. This makes it difficult for them to realize that other people want to end a conversational topic, or have a turn to talk, or whatever.

   It's hard to watch your child struggle. I try to get my son to talk about how he feels to make it easier and he tries and then suddenly he changes topic to an airplane disaster and I know he is done for now. He works on self-control and how to control his outbursts and meltdowns but sometimes he can't. We've worked on visual clues that is a work in progress..., he is still MUCH better with verbal clues, like Hey let's talk about something else. But when talking about feelings when he is done, there is no getting more out of him when he doesn't want to talk about it. When I push, I can feel him edging closer to a meltdown, so I let him go back to his comfort zone for a bit and try again later.

My son is awesome. Being diagnosed with Asperger's doesn't change that. He is still the same smart, sweet, silly boy, he just adapts differently, and sometimes needs helps adapting to the world around him. As he has gotten older he needs less help because we are teaching him coping mechanisms.

   So, when you are out in a store today and you see a mom with a child that is melting down, don't judge or question her parenting skills (I used to be that mom and HistoryBoy was that kid overwhelmed but the hugeness of the store and number of people and huge amount of noises) Be grateful that is not your child. Ask god to give her the patience and strength to handle what god has given her and help her handle her child's fears.

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

History Boy and fun times... Not so much

I posted about last Monday (1/6/14), our non-verbal Asperger meltdown day. It was not a fun day and this week has progressed from there as he had a reaction to the antibiotics. So THAT was fun.  Running to the bathroom all night and the next day. Doc said it was just a reaction to the meds like I thought, but to keep him hydrated, which I have been doing and try to get him to eat. Hmmm, you get a kid who has a really sore throat, a tummy ache, upset intestines AND Asperger's to eat when he doesn't want to, go ahead doc, you try it. I did get him to eat soup as I said but that was really it for two days... 1 bowl of soup...


Now Wednesday I did get him to eat a Turkey burger for lunch!! He didn't eat breakfast, but it was first real food in days! He was still a more than a little off. He wasn't very talkative, and he was moody.  He would just sit and he played a video game and watched a video.  I don't know what the deal is, if he is just not feeling well or if it's just an off day. His neuro said the teens are tough on Aspies and the hormones play havoc with his system and moods just like any other kid but he won't handle it as well. (Goody!) I guess for a kid who has problems expressing himself already, throw hormones in and you've got a hellish mix. He is already on a mood stabilizer which has helped some and was just increased because of his growth splurt.  He grew about 1 1/2 in. in two months.  That would be enough to throw off your system too.  

I know A LOT of more deal with these issues, but up til now I've been able to help him even if only in a small now.  Now I feel more helpless. As he gets older, I am hoping I will figure out the key or maybe he will.  I can only pray. 

Just because, here is a link to a good article about Autism and stress

Long Time Gone...

Happy Halloween!   

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Merry Christmas!! 

It's been awhile.. Sorry I've been so bad at a keeping up.  A lot has been going on, and I mean ALOT.  History Boy has going up and down and my health is in a spiral so things have just not been going our way for a long time.  I haven't feel up to writing or knowing what to say or how to put a positive spin on it.. Especially after my last blog post.

History Boy was diagnosed with epilepsy back in April.  Getting a handle on that was not easy or fun in any way, but we did and he was fine until school started back up again.

Problem #1:  History Boy is underweight.  So much so now that it is affecting his height.  We had to lower his ADHD meds, which HB is not happy about because he thinks it affects his focus, which it does. BUT we HAVE to catch up his weight.  He is like 14% for weight now.  If a strong wind blows he will fall over.

Problem #2:  History Boy DOES NOT handle stress well. Aspergers or not.  Stress triggers seizures.  Guess how much fun we had in beginning months of school. Oh by the way, school was not much help, as least not nurse, she does not seem to know what an absent seizure is, so when History Boy tells her somethings is wrong she doesn't believe him and he doesn't want to go to school because he isn't feeling well and isn't getting the help he needs. Its a vicious cycle/circle.  I haven't written my nasty letter yet, but I am thinking of it.  I don't want to cut him off from his only avenue of help in school, you know.  Maybe I need to take a BIG pamphlet in to her on absent seizures. (actually I could write several MORE problems involving her but I will stop here)

Problems #3: History Boy has a teacher he does not get along with, a yeller.  History Boy does not handle being yelled at.  He freaks out.  Shrinks inside himself.  Will not respond.  If a teacher hopes to get History Boy to respond with these tactics the picked the wrong kid.  He had 3 seizures in a week because he was afraid to go to this class and be yelled at.  Ok, he wasn't being yelled at all the time, but History Boy just couldn't handle him yelling.  Explaining that sometimes teachers are going to yell didn't work.  My biggest threat to him is "HB, do you want me to start yelling at you?" He usually toes the line.

Problem#3:  I was hospitalized in October for what they believed was a TIA or stroke.  Turns out my body just doesn't like me.  It might be my lupus that did this.  We don't know for sure.  It happened six years ago, for those of you who might remember me being hospitalized with similar symptoms, again possibly my lupus hacking my brain and causing stroke like symptoms.  FUN times.  Although six years ago the recovery was faster.  This time my body is not being as helpful.  6 weeks later I am better, but not BETTER.  I still can't walk on my own without use of walker or leaning on someone or speak clearly without a stutter.  It sucks. 

Problem #4:  The joys of being me.  I have been out so rarely.  I have gone to doctor appts.  I have gone to the store a coupe of times. I went to History Boy's parent teacher conference.  Somewhere in those travels, I picked up mono.  EVER BETTER right?  I had this pain in my left side for about 2 -3 weeks.  I thought maybe I was getting pleurisy which I can get this time of year with my Lupus and I put off going to the doctor.  I dealt with it, until I got a sinus infection to go with it that gave ne such a back headache along with the migraine I already had, I couldn't take it.  So I do have a sinus infection but the tenderness of my spleen leads them to believe I have mono.  Oh JOY, I needed something else to be wrong in time for the holidays.  I am glad I got all my shopping done. (No I really did)  Mostly online.

If you know how to solve my problems, let me know.  I am taking ideas.  LOL

Top 10 terrific traits of autistic people

Today's blog is not written by me.

I am giving you a task today.

Please read this from the Autism Support Network

I think it is AWESOME! (And True!)

Top 10 terrific traits of autistic people