Homework Issues

Homework is one of those things that HistoryBoy LOVES to procrastinate over. He will procrastinate until almost bedtime even though I have been fighting him all afternoon to do it. Then suddenly at bedtime he wants to do his homework.  Oh yay, now I get to stay up when I want to go to bed. We have taken away events with friends, videos games, toys. Nothing seems to help.

The child who used to love to do his homework right after school is gone. Replaced by this miserable procrastinating teenager who thinks it is fun to drive his mother nuts.  I have sent him to bed early because I am frustrated with it.  He then cries that I am being mean, he wants to do his homework now and I'm not letting him.  Save me from drama!

Part of the problem is that he views school as an interruption in his learning time, not as the time he should be learning. He thinks he learns by watching documentaries and watching videos. I know he does, but he needs to understand the value of school, and remember how much he used to love school.  

I know the past few years have been rough for him but I don't want him to fall through the cracks and be just a statistic.  He's worked too hard on getting himself this far. He's finally finding himself but expressing it in all the wrong ways. I am not giving up obviously but I am struggling to help him, balance what he needs with what he wants.  Together we will survive this, I hope.

The Hope and Dream of HistoryBoy Part 2

HistoryBoy amazes me. He is sweet, smart and talented.  He wants to sing and act when he grows up.  I told him that I had nothing against that but I think he should have a back-up just in case it doesn't work out the way he hopes.

We discussed what he likes, Legos, Transformers, Star Wars, and History.  He thinks working for Lego would be awesome.  He has some great ideas for new Legos.  I told him it takes more than being good with Legos to get a job at Lego, you need a degree in whatever it is the position you want requires. He told me he likes to design things but he doesn't know if he wants to be an engineer.  I told him that that is fine.  He doesn't have to be.




I asked him what he liked and thought he would like to do.  He told me.  "I really like History, mom.  Do you think I could be a History teacher?"  I told him that that was a great idea.  He loves learning more and more about history, and he loves to share his knowledge.  I could see him doing very well.

When I mentioned this to someone, they thought it would not work because of his tendency to run on about a subject when he gets excited about it. I am not worried about that.  I have seen my son with other children, especially those younger than him, and others who are like him.  He is very empathetic.  He slows down and explains, and wants to help. He doesn't want anyone to feel left out or left behind. This is a great trait for a teacher.  He will do his best to not let his students down.  He will also be an enthusiastic teacher.  He LOVES History and LOVES sharing all that knowledge.  


Now this isn't his final decision.  He is only in 8th grade, but we've started the journey.  We begun a discussion and he didn't freak out.  He thought about it and figured out something he liked to do within the structure of what he knows.  I am proud of him.  I don't know that he won't change his mind before he's through but I'm proud that he took the first step towards his future.

REBLOG: The first time you realize something is different about your child

first posted 4/25/11

The first time you realize something is different about your child...

You want to cry. Why should he be different? Are you sure little Sally next to him isn't just amazingly gifted or something? He knows his numbers and letters. He speaks well. Ok yes I know he can't sit still very long but he can stay on one topic, as him about trains or start singing a wiggles soundtrack and you are good for hours.



These traits confused the doctors. They decided ADHD was the most prominent condition and once that was under control we could address HistoryBoy's other issues. It was amazing. It took some trial and error to find the right medication but once we did, it worked wonders. So much so that it left little doubt that he also had Asperger's, once the ADHD was under control. With his ADHD under control. he reads almost like some textbook cases of Asperger's. And there is no magic cure or pill for Asperger's, it is trial and error and therapy and hope it works.

The scary part comes now. HistoryBoy is on the cusp of puberty. He is only 10. But we can tell the hormones have started the telltale baby mustache, he has gotten a few zits, and started with mood swings, more so than the normal Aspie ones. Fun stuff I tell you. If anyone had advice on that I will GLADLY take it. I am so not ready for a teenager yet. Like I said he is still 10, he will be 11 this summer... it never gets easier

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Where oh where has my HistoryBoy gone!?!

Do you remember that little boy I used to write about?  The one who melted down all the time, who couldn't go out to without melting down because of over stimulation.  Well my HistoryBoy (who really wants me to start using his real name in my blog so he can be "famous") is really coming into his own.

Every child needs that, espcially our Aspies who feel so isolated so much of time.  They want to fit in so bad and interact like everyone else and don't know how.  So, what changed? Did I wave a magic wand and suddenly he was no longer autistic? No, it wasn't that easy.  He's still autistic, still, ADHD and has epilepsy to top that all off, so no, none of those issues have gone away. 

SO what has changed you ask, history himself has changed. He found that niche for himself where he excels and has made friends there. He found something he loves and is very good at (if I do say so myself) and he is accepted for himself, a group of peers who look and see the "real" HistoryBoy and his talent. What more could a mom ask for?

History Boy and fun times... Not so much

I posted about last Monday (1/6/14), our non-verbal Asperger meltdown day. It was not a fun day and this week has progressed from there as he had a reaction to the antibiotics. So THAT was fun.  Running to the bathroom all night and the next day. Doc said it was just a reaction to the meds like I thought, but to keep him hydrated, which I have been doing and try to get him to eat. Hmmm, you get a kid who has a really sore throat, a tummy ache, upset intestines AND Asperger's to eat when he doesn't want to, go ahead doc, you try it. I did get him to eat soup as I said but that was really it for two days... 1 bowl of soup...


Now Wednesday I did get him to eat a Turkey burger for lunch!! He didn't eat breakfast, but it was first real food in days! He was still a more than a little off. He wasn't very talkative, and he was moody.  He would just sit and he played a video game and watched a video.  I don't know what the deal is, if he is just not feeling well or if it's just an off day. His neuro said the teens are tough on Aspies and the hormones play havoc with his system and moods just like any other kid but he won't handle it as well. (Goody!) I guess for a kid who has problems expressing himself already, throw hormones in and you've got a hellish mix. He is already on a mood stabilizer which has helped some and was just increased because of his growth splurt.  He grew about 1 1/2 in. in two months.  That would be enough to throw off your system too.  

I know A LOT of more deal with these issues, but up til now I've been able to help him even if only in a small now.  Now I feel more helpless. As he gets older, I am hoping I will figure out the key or maybe he will.  I can only pray. 

Just because, here is a link to a good article about Autism and stress

Sometimes you forget...

He has been doing well, Asperger-wise for a while. He can be quirky but he has been mostly happy (once his meds were adjusted).  Yet out of the blue comes a day (this past Monday) where he is almost completely non-verbal. He was not feeling well so that contributed to it, but he had a Dr. appointment and he is usually good with Doctors, answering their questions but he wouldn't even look at the doc.

Now normally I can try an coax or cajole he into a better mood, or he will want to cuddle, or curl up next to me with the blanket over his head until he feels better. Today when I try to touch him, I get hissed or growled at.  Fun times.  And of course Angus is out of town for work so I am coping on my own. I have done it before but I have gotten used to sharing the load.

By Tuesday afternoon he is some better, his mood is not happy but he isn't hissing and growling.  I can get one word answers, which are mostly "no", and an occasional "Leave me alone." Along with this he is not eating, so while I know he isn't feeling well, he needs to eat to feel better.  I get tired of arguing for food and finally break down and hand him a bag of cookies. (At least its something) So other than gatorade, some soda and minimal food, that's it for 2 days.  His doc put him on an antibiotic on Monday so because he hasn't eaten he awakes with diarrhea Tuesday night, throughout the night, into the next day (today).  The family doc has no openings until tomorrow. So we wait until tomorrow, hoping this stops because using Imodium isn't allowed because just in case you have a virus on top of infection, it wont "go through" you completely. YAY!

At least now, he is a semi-happy kid.  He is watching YouTube videos and laughing. So it's a start AND I got him to eat half a bowl of soup and some shredded cheese.  I just keep telling myself tomorrow will be better...

Tough growing up...

HistoryBoy loves being independent.  He loves being old enough now to be left home alone for short periods (read less than 2 hours...usually less than an hour).  Enough time for him to feel good about taking care of himself for a short time but not enough for him to come up with an idea that might blow up the house.  Hey he's 13, ADHD and Asperger's.  I know the ideas that fly in and out of his head...

Trying to navigate the water of being a teenager is especially difficult for my son. He can seem so grown up, you almost forget he is still little is many ways.  He has spoken like an adult almost his whole life.  The things he is interested in and knows about amazes most.  Yet HistoryBoy is afraid of what is going to happen when he grows up.  Yet he is immature in many ways.  He is not adept in social settings.  He knows this about himself and tries so hard and often is not as successful as he wants to be or needs to be...

As I mentioned before HistoryBoy thinks that by letting go of me he will be lost.  For example, he wanted breakfast Sunday morning, so I made pancakes for him. Then he wanted more so I said I would show him how to make them. He declined and asked for oatmeal instead. I offered to show him how to make that. He declined. I told him I wanted to make him more independent. He said no, he liked me making breakfast. When I asked him why, he said he didn't want me to stop taking care of him. 

I think I need to remind him that there are so many things that he doesn't need me for, that he used to need me to change his diapers, to feed him a bottle or wipe his nose.  He used to need someone to lay his clothes out or make sure they match and remind him to brush his teeth, to wear shoes.  Ok, some of those he still needs help with sometimes.  He is a 13 year old boy after all.

He is so afraid that if I show how to do grown up things or allows himself to grow up that I am not going to be there for him...  that he won't be my little boy anymore... He doesn't realize what it means to be a mom...

Learning to love the Library, again.

I got out of the habit of going to the Library regularly when I was in college.  Growing up we were there regularly.  It was the only was we got to read new books to read (unless we got them as presents or from a yard sale).  In College, I only used it for studying. 

When HistoryBoy was little we would go to the Library events they had but we only took out one or two books and then stopped because he got a lot of books for gifts and B&N gift cards. HistoryBoy always uses his school library (mostly to take out books about the Titanic and other disasters), so much so that when he was "graduating" from the elementary to the middle school, the librarian at his school was getting rid of an old copy of a Titanic book and asked if he wanted it (DUH).

Me, I usually looked to buy books at the store, yard sales, the Paper Back Trader, Paper Back Swap, or borrow books from friends and family.  But lately I haven't been doing it as much just because buying books can be an expensive habit as much as I love them.

Now we are library fanatics again. The library has an eBook borrowing service. It rocks. AND if you read my previous blog, we now are supporting HistoryBoy's audio-book habit.  I can only afford so many, like the 3 he has, yeah that about the extent of my ability right now. So we are at the library several times a week now.  
I'm back into the reading habit/addiction I used to have.  Angus swears I read too fast to be human, but I love Love LOVE reading, finding out something new, visiting new places, even if fictional, very few movies EVER due justice to the world I've built up in my mind. I read 6 books in the past few weeks. Started and stopped reading a few others in there, have to go back to finish but another book grabbed my attention so I am in the middle of 2 books and about to go pick up a 3rd from the library because my hold just came in.  LOVE IT! 

If I sound excited I am, Angus doesn't share the same book tastes as me but NOW I have HistoryBoy to share this with.  He is just as excited now.  He asks me to help him find books and what I think he would like. (Hunger Games and Percy Jackson on next on his list!) Books I read and enjoyed, we can talk about now.  

This post probably sounds silly, but it is what it is.  A Thankful mom, sharing her joy! 

Long Time Gone...

Happy Halloween!   

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Merry Christmas!! 

It's been awhile.. Sorry I've been so bad at a keeping up.  A lot has been going on, and I mean ALOT.  History Boy has going up and down and my health is in a spiral so things have just not been going our way for a long time.  I haven't feel up to writing or knowing what to say or how to put a positive spin on it.. Especially after my last blog post.

History Boy was diagnosed with epilepsy back in April.  Getting a handle on that was not easy or fun in any way, but we did and he was fine until school started back up again.

Problem #1:  History Boy is underweight.  So much so now that it is affecting his height.  We had to lower his ADHD meds, which HB is not happy about because he thinks it affects his focus, which it does. BUT we HAVE to catch up his weight.  He is like 14% for weight now.  If a strong wind blows he will fall over.

Problem #2:  History Boy DOES NOT handle stress well. Aspergers or not.  Stress triggers seizures.  Guess how much fun we had in beginning months of school. Oh by the way, school was not much help, as least not nurse, she does not seem to know what an absent seizure is, so when History Boy tells her somethings is wrong she doesn't believe him and he doesn't want to go to school because he isn't feeling well and isn't getting the help he needs. Its a vicious cycle/circle.  I haven't written my nasty letter yet, but I am thinking of it.  I don't want to cut him off from his only avenue of help in school, you know.  Maybe I need to take a BIG pamphlet in to her on absent seizures. (actually I could write several MORE problems involving her but I will stop here)

Problems #3: History Boy has a teacher he does not get along with, a yeller.  History Boy does not handle being yelled at.  He freaks out.  Shrinks inside himself.  Will not respond.  If a teacher hopes to get History Boy to respond with these tactics the picked the wrong kid.  He had 3 seizures in a week because he was afraid to go to this class and be yelled at.  Ok, he wasn't being yelled at all the time, but History Boy just couldn't handle him yelling.  Explaining that sometimes teachers are going to yell didn't work.  My biggest threat to him is "HB, do you want me to start yelling at you?" He usually toes the line.

Problem#3:  I was hospitalized in October for what they believed was a TIA or stroke.  Turns out my body just doesn't like me.  It might be my lupus that did this.  We don't know for sure.  It happened six years ago, for those of you who might remember me being hospitalized with similar symptoms, again possibly my lupus hacking my brain and causing stroke like symptoms.  FUN times.  Although six years ago the recovery was faster.  This time my body is not being as helpful.  6 weeks later I am better, but not BETTER.  I still can't walk on my own without use of walker or leaning on someone or speak clearly without a stutter.  It sucks. 

Problem #4:  The joys of being me.  I have been out so rarely.  I have gone to doctor appts.  I have gone to the store a coupe of times. I went to History Boy's parent teacher conference.  Somewhere in those travels, I picked up mono.  EVER BETTER right?  I had this pain in my left side for about 2 -3 weeks.  I thought maybe I was getting pleurisy which I can get this time of year with my Lupus and I put off going to the doctor.  I dealt with it, until I got a sinus infection to go with it that gave ne such a back headache along with the migraine I already had, I couldn't take it.  So I do have a sinus infection but the tenderness of my spleen leads them to believe I have mono.  Oh JOY, I needed something else to be wrong in time for the holidays.  I am glad I got all my shopping done. (No I really did)  Mostly online.

If you know how to solve my problems, let me know.  I am taking ideas.  LOL

IEP Meeting went AWESOME!

Guess What?! History Boy has started a new school year! Did you know that? I bet you forgot! But that isn't the best part. He made it through the first week. He likes his class. He likes his teachers and his aide. Yay! :-)

But on Day 4 of school I have an IEP Meeting, and not just any IEP Meeting. It is the IEP meeting that is where we discuss his review of his classification and could be retesting and all that good stuff. You moms know what I mean. It comes up EVERY 3 years years and HistoryBoy is due. So I get to meet his teachers at this meeting, only 4 days into school. I am a little scared. I know my HistoryBoy seems happy, but well I know my HistoryBoy. LOL.

I meet Mrs. S and Mrs. H and they we discuss HistoryBoy and they have read over his IEP and most of the stuff is listed as "as needed." I tell them what may be more "needed" than others and how to handle his outbursts of knowledge. It is hard to stop out Aspies flow of information once it is going and apparently she is already aware of this on Day 4 but I gave her some suggestions so he doesn't feel bad for sharing, like "If we have time later we can come back but we have to move on to ... this or give someone else a chance etc" I have found these to help me when I need him to slow his flow a little. It doesn't always work. Sometimes he just has to say what he has to say, but sometimes it does.

Once we all settle into IEP meeting mode, we discuss that YAY! we are just going to keep his placement as is! No retesting. If I am happy with his current level of service and we know he still qualifies for services, he does not need to be retested. So no pull out for all those tests again. I am SOOO happy. That would be so hard for him as his is just starting the whole middle school thing. So NO RE-EVAL! NO RE-DETERMINING Eligibility! YAY! He is just eligible because he is! We know he has ADHD and Asperger's and OT isssues and it is documented and we have observed! I am so glad his teachers and therapists were so on the ball. We were able to discuss and fine tune things yesterday and make sure the teachers were aware of what HistoryBoy can do, but he also has to have consequences for misbehavior and such.

Now we can just move forward from this point. I am not saying it will not be a bumpy road. This is middle school. A whole new venture for my growing into a young man HistoryBoy. He needs to take more responsiblity for himself. He can't rely on mom to check everything for him all the time. Pretty soon (age 13), he will be included in these meetings with me and have a say himself. I am so proud to know I have help to mold him to this point. He is my greatest achievement, my little miracle, my angel. I love you HistoryBoy.

Medication Free Summer? Oh Heck No!

Ok so summer is over and this is really just because HistoryBoy and I were talking about it and joking.

For those of you that know my HistoryBoy, you know I gave birth to a stick. For a brief period around 5 months or so, he was a chubby little thing, but no one seems to remember except the camera. He is nothing but limbs for the most part, bony limbs. So we are supposed to "fatten" him up so his medication doesn't affect his growth.

Also, for those of you that know him, you know that he eats like a house on fire. There is always food in his hand and/or mouth AND he is ONLY 11. IMAGINE him in a few more years, I am going to absolutely broke! I am going to need a 2nd mortgage just to FEED him. Forget about college! Aren't these ADHD meds supposed to curb his appetite a little. Can you imagine if we actually *DID* a medication free summer?

Well since HistoryBoy is 11 now he does like to sleep in thankfully, so that does give me a few hours of extra money saving food hours. So maybe I don't have to feed him breakfast, just lunch and dinner and a few snacks in between.

DARN I forgot something. One of those Aspie traits that DRIVES me nuts. Everything has to be in order. Even when he wakes up late, he likes breakfast, even if it is *close* to lunch. He can't skip a meal. If we have a late lunch/early dinner, he still need another meal because you can't combine those in his mind. You need order. Pesky Asperger's messing up my ADHD meal skipping intentions.

Hmmm maybe I can buy cheaper food. Yeah that it's more junk food that will just sit in my pantry because he won't eat it because he doesn't like it. Oh wait. DOH! Foiled again! Oh well I guess it is just lucky for me that HistoryBoy isn't going on a medication free summer any time soon, at least as long as HistoryBoy himself has something to say about it, from the Follow Up to The Medication Game. His quotes are in the last two paragraphs of that blog.

Hope you enjoyed this!

All Kids Are Hyper Aren't They?

Have you heard these? I know I have.

1. It's just a phase...

Well, when do you think it stops being a phase and starts being a problem? I know my son was hyper (VERY) hyper from an early age. For the first two weeks of his life he only slept 15 minutes at a time, afraid he was going to miss something. You know how the first pics of babies are all pink with closed eyes. Not mine, that's him at the right eyes open. What's up world, here I am. And he wouldn't close them for very long for the next two weeks. It was a LOOOOONG two weeks. Maybe that should have given me an ADHD clue. LOL

2. Oh, all kids are hyper at that age...

I know a lot of kids are hyper. I have seen it, and I can tell the difference when watching kids play the difference (usually) between regular hyper and ADHD hyperactivity. If I can get and keep that hyperactive child attention for a minute or two without magic or medication, then they might just be hyper. But if I have to hold the child down and threaten to tie then to it and repeat, Please look at me. Are you listening? Can I ask you a question? ADD just might be a problem.

These type of helpful comments ones I have heard at every age, so apparently EVERY age kids are hyper. IMAGINE that one. Maybe you just have a hyper child like I do. Hmmmm, something to think about isn't it?

3. Boys have just so much more energy than girls...

Apparently parents that see HistoryBoy play hyperactively are also experts. I hear, "boys always have so much energy." "Oh he is an active one, isn't he?" Do these people never see children play, that my son is such a wonder? Maybe I need to let loose his Aspie-ness on them, then they can really sit in awe. And if boys have so much more energy than girls, these same people have never seen him play with HyperGirl obviously. I need to find these people and put them in a room with both HB and HG. THAT would be *GREAT*!!

I was also once asked if medication "fixed" HistoryBoy problems. Since I don't view him as "broken" and he doesn't need to be "fixed" unless he is a dog or cat, I did my best not to whack the oh so inquisitive person upside her helpful head with my overloaded purse, maybe I ADDed a brick or two. I replied HB was doing fine thanks for asking. Bye. And walked off before she could asked me any other questions and ended up really hitting her.

It's funny how people judge from the outside. I do not mind sitting poolside and chatting with a mom about our kids. Or with friends but it's random outside comments that stick and sometimes dig and drive me nuts. I am sure you have dealt with these type of issues too, if your child is anything like mine. If not, count yourself lucky and blessed. Maybe you will *never* encounter the Idiots, I mean, lovely people, I encounter.

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com