Sunday at Church with HistoryBoy

Usually Sundays are not too bad. They are relatively easy-going days (with the exception of Easter Sunday). HistoryBoy was up and dressed and ready to go to church. I should say he was up early and ready to go. Up AND READY in enough time to watch a movie before church. SO we sat as a family and watched a movie, which was really nice because usually it is like pulling teeth to get anywhere on time with HistoryBoy but that is another issue for another day.

So we get to church, and of course HistoryBoy wants to sit in the loft. It is his favorite place to sit. He can be high up and watch the mass and people down below and there are only three pews in the loft so it is not overloaded with people. To let everyone know, I am not against sitting in the loft, but the pews are uncomfortable, when they replaced the pews with comfy ones in the lower church they did NOT replace them in the loft so they are old uncomfy wooden ones AND I am not so good on stairs with my hip, but I want HistoryBoy to be able to handle church so we do what we have to do.

Apparently, today something is off though. He keeps pacing the loft, which is not usual for him. He usually stands at the front staring over the rail for most of the mass. When he is not pacing he comes over to me and wants to sit on my lap, which I let him at first but he weighs 70 lbs and I can't take the weight more than a few minutes, so he sits on the step next to my pew and rocks himself. I know something is up, I rub his back and he puts his head on my knee and keeps rocking. I ask him what's wrong and he shrugs he doesn't know. He says he feels overwhelmed but he doesn't know why.

I feel so bad for him. He is trying so hard, I just want to take him home and make it all better. He stands when it is time to stand although he is clinging to me like a lifeline. When it is time to sit, he curls up and does his rocking thing. The only time I see him open up is when they start singing "Lamb of God" which had always been his favorite song at mass, and he starts singing, beautifully. I love my HistoryBoy.

When mass is over, he gives me a big hug and asks if we are going to go see GG (my grandmom) now. And I realize now why he was so upset during mass, even if he doesn't. He was trying to work out his sadness over GG being sick, and even though he wants to see her, but it is hard for him to see her so sick. He had asked on Saturday about going to see her after church on Sunday and I had said it was a very good idea if he would like to. Given the meltdown he had after his visit on Monday night, I was a little nervous, but if though he was up to it, I wasn't against it.

There is no easy answer to helping him cope. No simple way to make her all better. She is 87 (maybe 88?) years old and may not get better. That is the real problem, for us and him.

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com