REBOG - Please Don't Let Me Get Dirty!!

Reblog fron 4/27/11
You know how most kids are into playing in the dirt and mud and making messes. HistoryBoy was not like that. He would NOT touch a finger paint. He hated digging in the sand at the beach. He loved playing in the ocean but he had to wash off the sand. If he got food on his hand he had to wipe it off. 

These were all big clues to a larger sensory issue, but we always joked that he got my mom's clean freak genes. These are issues that can be worked on with most kids. We kept trying working with fingers paint. Here was something I tried. I used a paint with water book and let him dip his finger in the water. His fingers stay relatively clean and he colors. He thought it was neat. It is all in the baby steps. 



He finally got to the point now, where he will use fingers paint but he has to be allowed to wash his hands off as soon as he is done. And we let him not feel it was an issue. He didn't like having his hands dirty, so I had wipes or he made trips to the bathroom to wash his hands. It is what made him feel comfortable. Now he loves puddles and splashing, although he is usually wearing his sneakers at the time. Sand is something that he found out sea turtles build nests in so it must be cool to play in. Again, baby steps. We all take the world in in our own way.

As a Note: HistoryBoy nows loves to paint.  He doesn't like his hands majorly messy but it's ok if some paint get on him.  I pointed out that he wasn't the neatest eater sometimes, with his shirts or pants catching what missed him mouth.  He laughed and joked that his body was making up for his hands not wanting to be be messy.  Those baby steps are making me smile each day.

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Blogging has made me feel like I am back to being myself again.  I know I will have days where I don't write, and I know you will understand because you also have a life and understand how overwhelming life can be at times.  

As always, I am trying to get healthy and stay that way.  I still haven't mastered that skill. I will feel ok for maybe a day, so I try to get a few things done.  Vacuum or do some laundry.  It wipes me out. So a lot of days these things done get done.  I am grateful that Angus and HistoryBoy are helpful (when they want to be LOL)  HistoryBoy is at an age where it could be a fight to get anything done, yet he if I ask he simply does the chore for me, whether it is simply carrying a load of laundry from one room to another for me because I can't lift it, or taking out the garbage.  He grumbles every once in a while, but he still does it and doesn't truly give me a hard time. 

I am grateful for this, especially at this time of year, when the cold is beginning to feel like it is seeping into my bones and take root.  I can't get warm and stay warm, and my hands simply hurt, just because its cold. It might be 68 degrees inside with the heat on, but some days I am still wearing gloves inside.  If it is 60 degrees outside I need gloves in my pocket because my hands will start hurting if I am outdoors too long. 

Even though I have these problems, I have Angus and HistoryBoy, who truly want what is best for me, even if some days they don't understand why I am not feeling well, or how I can go from feeling ok one moment to miserable the next.  When I need help, they do their best to give me what I need, whether it's time to lie down and simply leaving me be, or carrying the things for me that I can't, or taking care of the things that I am simply not up to. I don't know where I would be without them.

REBLOG: Some Days I Forget

Reposted from 8/30/11
Some days I forget, or almost forget HistoryBoy is different from any other child because things are going so well. No using mommy as a life line, no hiding, no meltdowns, just a kid being a kid. It was great. 

Until yesterday...

I am not sure what set it off, or even if it had a trigger. He was playing nicely with his cousin in the morning but even then I could tell he was a little off because I kept having to call him and repeat myself. Then he wouldn't eat lunch even though it was pizza, and if you know HistoryBoy that is one of his favorite food groups. Pizza, Chicken Soup, Grilled Cheese, Hot Dogs and Steamed Dumplings.  If I made these every day of his life the child would be happy as a clam. Thankfully he can and will eat other foods too but is VERY gratefully when I have his favorites. But anyway he wouldn't eat, I got him to drink some water but i think he took two bites of pizza.

We head home. It is time for me to lie down and rest. He comes and lays next to me and clings and I ask him what is wrong. He can't or won't say. He just clings. I cuddle him as best I can. I fall asleep and when I awake I realize he has fallen asleep too. I have woken just in time for me to leave for my Doctor's appointment, and I gently awaken HistoryBoy to take him with me. He clings to my arm and doesn't want me to go. I have to go so, I tell him I will drop him off at Mimi's house and he can get some cuddle time from her while I go to my appointment.

I call my mom to make sure she is OK with this arrangement and she says she is. I also let he know he is way off. I do not know what is off but he is not talking, just clinging. I didn't say it but I was thinking, at least he isn't melting down. So I went to my appointment and came back. We had dinner at my mom's and HistoryBoy did eat a little Spaghetti and Meatballs. Not as much as I would have liked. I only gave him a little and he didn't eat all of it, and he wouldn't drink any of his milk. He just kept telling me he was full. After we cleared the table, he wanted me to sit with him in the living room. I sat down and he climbed into my lap. I do need to point out that HistoryBoy is now 11. There is a lot more to him, mostly limbs, looooong legs, than there used to be; he weighs 75 lbs. I shift his weight so it is not really on me and more on the chair. I try to get up after a few minutes but this is where he wants me, close to him. I shift over, so he can sit next to me in the chair and he "allows" that as long as I don't leave him.

After a while we leave to head home. At home, I try talking to him but he isn't opening up. He just says he feels off. So either he doesn't know what is wrong or can't put it into words. A little while later there is a knock at the door HyperGirl and her sister, SassyGirl (HyperGirl came up with the name for her sister) came over. They seemed to bring HistoryBoy out of his funk. He showed them, his new room, which was almost done. And he chattered to them some which I saw as a good sign.

On another note...
The first thing out of HyperGirl's mouth when she saw HistoryBoy's room was "Cool, bunk beds! When can I stay over?" Don't worry Michelle I said NO! Then SassyGirl pipes up "Well I can stay over, I'm not his girlfriend!" Again I said No. LOL HistoryBoy was just laughing, which I took as a good sign.

I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Homework Issues

Homework is one of those things that HistoryBoy LOVES to procrastinate over. He will procrastinate until almost bedtime even though I have been fighting him all afternoon to do it. Then suddenly at bedtime he wants to do his homework.  Oh yay, now I get to stay up when I want to go to bed. We have taken away events with friends, videos games, toys. Nothing seems to help.

The child who used to love to do his homework right after school is gone. Replaced by this miserable procrastinating teenager who thinks it is fun to drive his mother nuts.  I have sent him to bed early because I am frustrated with it.  He then cries that I am being mean, he wants to do his homework now and I'm not letting him.  Save me from drama!

Part of the problem is that he views school as an interruption in his learning time, not as the time he should be learning. He thinks he learns by watching documentaries and watching videos. I know he does, but he needs to understand the value of school, and remember how much he used to love school.  

I know the past few years have been rough for him but I don't want him to fall through the cracks and be just a statistic.  He's worked too hard on getting himself this far. He's finally finding himself but expressing it in all the wrong ways. I am not giving up obviously but I am struggling to help him, balance what he needs with what he wants.  Together we will survive this, I hope.

REBLOG - WAY too Literal

from 8/24/11

We all know that our Aspies can be literal. HistoryBoy is very much so but it has become less and less noticeable. Maybe I am just used to it, or maybe it is because he knows he is too literal and has been using his literalness for humor with plays on words and so forth. I am happy about this because from I have read and learned from others, for most Aspies, a sense of humor is non existent but back to my point.

(HistoryBoy LOVED this.  He said it made perfect sense!)

As I stated, HistoryBoy is very literal, I can't use colloquialisms. They just make him go huh? most times. I remember arguing with my brother one time and telling him to take his head out of his butt. HistoryBoy looks at my brother then looks at me, looks back at my brother then tells me "Mom, his head isn't up his butt. How would he get his head up his butt anyway? It's too big." I think we all laughed over that one.

(When HistoryBoy saw this scene recently, he ACTUALLY got the joke but he is 14 now, this post that is being reblogged was originally written in 2011)

Another time he wasn't paying attention to me, and I called him a space cadet. He asked me if that was an astronaut. I said not exactly. LOL

I told him he was giving me grey hair. Honestly I only have about a dozen or so grey hairs but I attribute each and every one of them to him. And he kept asking me how can he cause my hair to turn color, and he wanted to know what he has to do to make it change color. I am not sure if he wanted to understand the phenomenon or see it in action.

(I could see HistoryBoy doing this)

I have been noticing him literalness less and less though. However yesterday we were at a get together and a made a comment. He had a flying monkey stuffed toy. And I made the comment I might not be quoting it exactly right (from an 80s or 90s movie) "and monkeys might fly out my butt" HistoryBoy stared at my butt, looks at his toy monkey and says what? I laugh and repeat what I said. He looks at me again confused, "How is that even possible?" I burst out laughing.

I love my son, he makes my life interesting.

The Hope and Dream of HistoryBoy Part 2

HistoryBoy amazes me. He is sweet, smart and talented.  He wants to sing and act when he grows up.  I told him that I had nothing against that but I think he should have a back-up just in case it doesn't work out the way he hopes.

We discussed what he likes, Legos, Transformers, Star Wars, and History.  He thinks working for Lego would be awesome.  He has some great ideas for new Legos.  I told him it takes more than being good with Legos to get a job at Lego, you need a degree in whatever it is the position you want requires. He told me he likes to design things but he doesn't know if he wants to be an engineer.  I told him that that is fine.  He doesn't have to be.




I asked him what he liked and thought he would like to do.  He told me.  "I really like History, mom.  Do you think I could be a History teacher?"  I told him that that was a great idea.  He loves learning more and more about history, and he loves to share his knowledge.  I could see him doing very well.

When I mentioned this to someone, they thought it would not work because of his tendency to run on about a subject when he gets excited about it. I am not worried about that.  I have seen my son with other children, especially those younger than him, and others who are like him.  He is very empathetic.  He slows down and explains, and wants to help. He doesn't want anyone to feel left out or left behind. This is a great trait for a teacher.  He will do his best to not let his students down.  He will also be an enthusiastic teacher.  He LOVES History and LOVES sharing all that knowledge.  


Now this isn't his final decision.  He is only in 8th grade, but we've started the journey.  We begun a discussion and he didn't freak out.  He thought about it and figured out something he liked to do within the structure of what he knows.  I am proud of him.  I don't know that he won't change his mind before he's through but I'm proud that he took the first step towards his future.

REBLOG: Why Blog?

Someone asked me, why blog?  Why do you blog if no one reads it?

There are two answers to this...

One, because I have 13 followers for the blog itself and 100+ member in the Overcoming being Overwhelmed group on Facebook. So while I guess I am not the most popular blog out there, I get read (even if its only by mostly my family and friends...Thank you btw!).

Two, I've been writing since I was in grade school. Poetry, short stories, diaries... It is something I need to do.  Sometimes it is just to clear my head.  Other times I simply have something I want to say or a funny story to share. When HistoryBoy was little, I wrote short stories for him about my childhood and my dog Ginger, most of which actually featured my little brother, Engineer.  (Maybe I should share those stories. LOL).

The long and the short of is I like to write, sometimes LOVE it, and sometimes simply have to. Without this particular media, I would be simply publishing my ideas in my journal possibly sharing with some friends. This allows me to share with a lot more people, and if anyone gets something out of it, if I help even one person, then that's AWESOME.

The Hopes and Dreams of HistoryBoy Part 1

We have done a lot of talking HistoryBoy and I.  He is so smart yet can be so afraid of the world because of its reaction to him.  He gets over excited when he has something he wants to say and he words just tumble out.  He can't stop his flow of words once he gets started and not everyone is ok with that.


We've been talking lately about what he wants to do when he grows up because while college is over 4 years away, he needs to be thinking about a direction.  Not that anything is set in stone or has to be but we have to plan now so that he is prepared when the time comes, no surprises. He still panics from time to time when I mention the fact he will have to have a life plan and move out once he is an adult.  (I am not kicking him out but I want him to know he needs to have a plan and a goal)


HistoryBoy, as I mentioned in my blog the other day, has found his niche.  He is a gifted vocalist, and no that is not just me being proud mama (although I am).  He has been bugging me for years to do our local theater, but we always had my get healthy trips to Florida in the summer so it wasn't possible.  Well this summer, they were performing Camp Rock.  He begged me to please let him to it.  

So we did not go to Florida this summer, and HistoryBoy not only auditioned, HE GOT THE LEAD in the play.  My HistoryBoy, the quiet, inside himself kid, opened himself up and showed what he was made of.  He went from the kid who in the beginning of summer didn't talk and sat by himself with his toys or ipad to walking in and kids saying Hi HistoryBoy and his answering back and him sitting and chatting with them before rehearsals began for the day. IT WAS AMAZING!  I am so proud of him!  And those of you who know us, you know how truly amazing this really has been.  I am hoping for nothing but good things now! 

REBLOG: The first time you realize something is different about your child - Part 2

REBLOG (from 4/26/11)

Yesterday’s blog (REBLOG 11/12/14)was not long enough and didn’t say as much as I could have said. I should have said it took me a long time to realize that HistoryBoy was different from other kids. Not just different but different enough to be excluded by others his own age.

In preschool kids pretty much do their own thing; I play with this you play with that. They may play with the same toys but they don't always intersect play. HistoryBoy also had VERY definite ideas of how to play. You had to play it his way or you couldn’t play with him. He would get very agitated. I just assumed it was immaturity. He was a boy, he was a born 5 ½ weeks early. It would all come in time. But it didn’t. 

His preschool teacher was the one who recommended we get him evaluated by the child study team. Why? Won’t he be ok in

Kindergarten? He has all the skills he needs. Should I have realized he needed help sooner? Did I do something wrong? Did my mommy radar go off somewhere? 

All of these thoughts went through my head. I went home all upset, cried and I realized I couldn’t change anything I had done up to that point. I could only go from here. Kicking myself wouldn’t help HistoryBoy. So I set up the Child Study Team Evaluation and an appointment with a pediatric neurologist. It was just the beginning…

I would love to hear from you. 

Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Life Training an Autistic 13 Year Old.

Life shouldn't overwhelm you on a daily basis, but welcome to our world, right? In trying to talk to HistoryBoy about the future we've hit a few stumbling blocks. Most times, I can't talk about his future without him having a full blown panic attack. Normal? I think not. But why rock the boat now, he's only 13?  True, but he has to develop some skills for taking care of himself.  I cannot do it forever and I wouldn't want that for him or I either.

Our first big hurdle was simply getting him to make his own breakfast and lunch.  I should say that he will willingly raid the fridge and clean me out of lunch meat without eating a slice of bread on a regular basis if unchecked and he knows how to microwave hot pockets and hot dogs, so he won't starve. But is that living or taking care of himself? 

We talked about it and he understand that is isn't just about now but about the future.  What if some day he wants to cook dinner for a girlfriend.  Does he think she will be impressed with hot pockets?  He came to realize it is a skill he will need even if he is not utilizing it now.  (YAY ME!) 

Another bigggie is me not having to remind him, wash you hair, brush your teeth.  He has been doing these things without reminders more and more frequently.  If I could just get him to remember his meds 100% of the time without my help, we'd be set!




Also, He has been making his bed which is a HUGE thing too.  He used to fight me on it all the time. "Why do I have to make my bed?  Why do I have to clean my room?"  The clean room thing is still a work in progress but he is making his bed with regularity.  He knows how to vacuum, fill/empty the dishwasher, take out the trash and mow a lawn so he will be able to do those things for himself in his own place when the time comes.  For now, he just doesn't mind the chores, as long as I don't bug him about his room.  Remember that Berenstain Bears Book.  That is what his room makes me think of but, eh, one thing at a time.

He wants to be successful, so I am confident he will be.  We just have to take it one day at a time, one skill at a time.  With the knowledge that, one day, who knows how soon, he will need them.

I'd love to hear from you
teenahope@gmail.com

REBLOG: The first time you realize something is different about your child

first posted 4/25/11

The first time you realize something is different about your child...

You want to cry. Why should he be different? Are you sure little Sally next to him isn't just amazingly gifted or something? He knows his numbers and letters. He speaks well. Ok yes I know he can't sit still very long but he can stay on one topic, as him about trains or start singing a wiggles soundtrack and you are good for hours.



These traits confused the doctors. They decided ADHD was the most prominent condition and once that was under control we could address HistoryBoy's other issues. It was amazing. It took some trial and error to find the right medication but once we did, it worked wonders. So much so that it left little doubt that he also had Asperger's, once the ADHD was under control. With his ADHD under control. he reads almost like some textbook cases of Asperger's. And there is no magic cure or pill for Asperger's, it is trial and error and therapy and hope it works.

The scary part comes now. HistoryBoy is on the cusp of puberty. He is only 10. But we can tell the hormones have started the telltale baby mustache, he has gotten a few zits, and started with mood swings, more so than the normal Aspie ones. Fun stuff I tell you. If anyone had advice on that I will GLADLY take it. I am so not ready for a teenager yet. Like I said he is still 10, he will be 11 this summer... it never gets easier

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Life Gets In The Way...

Someone recently asked me why I haven't been writing more often or regularly like I used to.  I love writing (I know strange for my Math brain but I also love to draw and paint so chalk it up to my left-handedness LOL) I told them I just had had so much going on that there were not enough hours in the day to get it all done so something had to give. The person understood and said to me "Life Happens". 

That's exactly true.  This past two year has been a series of ups and downs and it always seems like I am playing catch-up.  Either I've been sick or History Boy has.  Somewhere in the midst of that, we also moved.  We searched for it, packed up our old one, and unpacked the new one. It took forever (I think I still have boxes!  Actually I know I do!) I could only look at houses on days I felt ok, and I couldn't do a lot in a trip, 2 houses maybe... So that made the process longer. Angus was still working 2 hours away and commuting back and forth, so we had to work his schedule into that too.  It meant the packing fell to me and my mom who helped me tremendously.  I would never have gotten as much done as I did without her.  I can't carry boxes, or pick up anything that weighs anything at all.  She lifted and carried and whatever she couldn't had to wait to Angus or my brother.



In the past two years, I was hospitalized, unable to talk or walk. Nope not a stroke, just my lupus having fun with me. History Boy was diagnosed with Epilepsy, and each time it seemed to be under control, he grew, and outgrew the dose of his medication and had seizures again. Have a mentioned he has grown almost 6 inches since November last year? He's taller than me now, and happy about it. LOL.

Each time I had something to say and wanted to blog about it, i was either too sick, too tired, or both.  It got pushed aside because I had to concentrate on me, and what my body needed to get healthy and having History Boy sick didn't help.  Can you really rest when your child is sick?

Also, in the past year, History Boy had surgery on his sinuses.  We decided enough was enough and he had just been sick too often for too long and we needed to do something about it. He had one sinus infection since the surgery, and a virus after that, but he hasn't been consistently sick like he has been for the past few years with infection after infection...

I don't know how some others do it, how they keep up, blog everyday and keep life on track, handle a child like History boy and keep him on track as well. How do they do it?  How do you do it?  I feel I am always behind an 8 ball, always trying to catch up.  Life feels like it is passing me by and I don't have the time or energy to keep up.

Laundry builds up, dishes build up, cleaning builds up. I push myself to try to get through as much as I can and find that I am overwhelmed.  Where do I start?  Someone said to me to do a load a day and it won't back up.  Easy enough to say, but when some days I can't even carry the basket of clothes into the laundry room because I hurt so bad, and it feels so heavy.  I know it isn't, I know it is my arms and back that are objecting.  Another said I should work out more, being in shape would help.  Very true, exercise does help me, but I can't overdo on that because I will end up more sore than I am and unable to do what I already do. Swimming and aqua therapy are the only exercise I am truly able to do and that is because I can work out a little and walk in the pool track without straining and feeling the weight on my body.

Please I am not trying to complain, or bitch at the ones who are offering advice, who are truly trying to help. I'm just telling you how life is, why I'm not here as much as I'd like and I hope you understand.

(PS: I am trying to write more, hence my Blog REBOOT!)