HistoryBoy loves being independent. He loves being old enough now to be left home alone for short periods (read less than 2 hours...usually less than an hour). Enough time for him to feel good about taking care of himself for a short time but not enough for him to come up with an idea that might blow up the house. Hey he's 13, ADHD and Asperger's. I know the ideas that fly in and out of his head...
Trying to navigate the water of being a teenager is especially difficult for my son. He can seem so grown up, you almost forget he is still little is many ways. He has spoken like an adult almost his whole life. The things he is interested in and knows about amazes most. Yet HistoryBoy is afraid of what is going to happen when he grows up. Yet he is immature in many ways. He is not adept in social settings. He knows this about himself and tries so hard and often is not as successful as he wants to be or needs to be...
As I mentioned before HistoryBoy thinks that by letting go of me he will be lost. For example, he wanted breakfast Sunday morning, so I made pancakes for him. Then he wanted more so I said I would show him how to make them. He declined and asked for oatmeal instead. I offered to show him how to make that. He declined. I told him I wanted to make him more independent. He said no, he liked me making breakfast. When I asked him why, he said he didn't want me to stop taking care of him.
I think I need to remind him that there are so many things that he doesn't need me for, that he used to need me to change his diapers, to feed him a bottle or wipe his nose. He used to need someone to lay his clothes out or make sure they match and remind him to brush his teeth, to wear shoes. Ok, some of those he still needs help with sometimes. He is a 13 year old boy after all.
He is so afraid that if I show how to do grown up things or allows himself to grow up that I am not going to be there for him... that he won't be my little boy anymore... He doesn't realize what it means to be a mom...
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