As I mentioned previously, our trips to Florida was all about getting healthy and feeling better. And I do feel better. At least I think I was. I was breathing better, asthma-wise and allergy wise. My medications were continuing to help my migraines get better. Ironically, it has NEVER been as hot in sunny Florida as our Jersey summer was here nor as humid. My achiness is ALWAYS milder as well. So all of *that* is positive. Yet as soon as I come back... I get sick. Jersey germs suck. This year I was to the doctor 3 times and have had to have blood work done twice before Fall even started...
My body fights me. I wake up achy, and I say to myself I am used to it. I have been dealing with this since I was 15. I can handle, right? I know it doesn't really get better, as in, I will never be 100% healthy again, or anything like that. I will be taking my medications for the rest of my life just to make myself feel a little better. Meds for headaches, for body aches and more recently for depression. Like I said I am used to it but its hard. I would like to wake up one morning and be able to say I slept well and I feel good, even if it is only for a little bit...
I am not complaining, at least not in any major way. It's just hard to stay positive when you feel cruddy all the time. AND it is not something I want to pass on to HistoryBoy, who is also sick a lot more than a little boy should be. I want him to stay positive. I don't want to hear him say, 'why am I sick again?" or 'my immune systems sucks like yours mom.'
I have to change my outlook, bring back my sunnier self. I have to figure out how to stay positive, how to wake up and even if I feel like a train wreck, pretend, put my happy face forward so he sees it. Maybe if I pretend enough. I'll believe it.
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