5 Things I Did NOT Need to See Poolside

#5: Big Man with the BIG belly. If your belly if so big it hangs down over your bathing suit, get a bigger bathing suit to tuck it into, please. Or maybe a cover up? I know you have as much right to be here as I do, but if your belly hangs more than an inch or two past the waistband of your bathing suit, get a new suit please, that is all I am asking!

#4: Girls who wear bathing suits with fake tops. If they are fake, maybe I can't tell, so don't let me know they are fake by wringing out your boobs poolside please. This is a family resort. I know they make those push up bra bathing suits out of foam and they probably do hold a LOT of water but hey guess what, you bought the suit, wear it! Or go to the ladies room and wring it out. I do not want to explain to my very curious 10 year old why you are grabbing your boobs. Thanks.

#3: Babbling Drunk Grandma. When I am relaxing in the hot tub, please do not try to hold my hand. I do not know you. You were slightly offended I did not want to hold your hand. But again, I didn't know you. I didn't even know your name. I had just climbed into the hot tub and sat down and finally had to sit on my own hand so you would not try to hold it, very weird.

#2: Boy losing his swim trunks. Ok, I used to be a young girl once and drooled over young men, but is it me or are the young men wearing their shorts lower and lower? I swear if they were any lower on a few of thew here I would be seeing the whole package. So young gentlemen, this is for you, if I can see you pubic bone, I am seeing too much of you, especially, if I am seeing your "happy" trail. You may have a good body and want to show it off, but I am trying to teach my son how to dress appropriately and you are NOT helping my cause at all. Not that I think he really notices you, thankfully you are not a boat, or plane so he is not interested in what you are wearing. So for that at least I am grateful.

#1: Any Woman sunbathing topless by the pool. I should point out all these women are face down, it is a family pool, but still. These women drive me nuts, especially the ones who have kids and then get upset when the kids throw water on them and they jump up and forget they are topless. DOH! I mean come on! I know some people really don't want tans lines but is it that big of a deal at a family pool? Get a grip. I do not want my son to see your boobs lady! Keep your top on or go to a tanning salon! Thank you!

That is all my griping or today! Until tomorrow

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My Body Loves the Water

I wake up achy every day. I do not think there has been a day in years where that hasn't been true. I take medication to help, it does to a certain extent, but I still ache. It comes with the territory. Lupus, Fibromyalgia and Migraines are not friends. They do not give a guarantee to n ot argue with one another or be angry with my body at the same time. It would be nice if they did, I would be much happier but such is life.

But I have come to find out that my body loves the water. I always loved the water as I child and as a teenager I was on the swim team. I LOVED it. I couldn't get enough. Especiallyin the summer, I loved the beach, the ocean was the water I swam in or Atsion Lake, where we would go as a family, I would spend hours in the water.

Now, the pool, I rotate between relaxing in te water and doing a little exercising and then sitting in the hot tub, to doing a little exercising in the pool. It is only when I get out of the water that my body feels any aches. If I could live in the water, it would be AWESOME. Can I carry a pool around with me? Keeping my joints nice and limber? My hips and back don't ache nearly as bad. Even my hands don't hurt as bad, which is amazing. I love that I can use my hands in the water.

I know when I go back home I will miss this part of our make me healthy trip the most. I will have to get in the habit of going to the gym and using the pool more and see if it has the same effect at home. My body is still achy when I wake up here but I am using the pool to try to ease it.

Until tomorrow...

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Poolside Problems

HistoryBoy can be so easy going and show so much personality, it is easy to forget he has Asperger's, and then there is a day like yesterday where it is so obvious that he is sometimes in his own world.

We are sitting poolside, well I am sitting in the shade, if I sit in the sun, I feel like I am melting almost instantly, whether that is my Lupus or my medication, I heed its warning. HistoryBoy is playing in the pool by himself with his planes, ignoring the other kids around him, talking to himself. When I go to talk to him, he asks me if I will go with him into the Hot Tub and we both go. He practically sits on top of me which is a *BIG* indicator of the kind of day he is having.

I ask him if he is having a bad day. He shrugs. I ask if he is having a good day. He shrugs. I ask what is wrong. Again, he shrugs. O.K. It is one of those days. He just wants to sit on my lap and be close. Now HistoryBoy is 10, and mostly limbs. He is trying to fit his body which seems to be growing daily onto my lap which seems to be shrinking. I just rub his back and we sit in the bubbling hot water of the Hot Tub, just the two of us. When I am too warm to sit any longer, I tell him it is time to go and he just gets up and goes with me without a question, no argument. (Where is my normal HistoryBoy?)

We go sit by the side of the pool and I wrap him in a towel when he realizes that another child is playing with his planes. He tells me the boy's name is Joseph and he is nice. I ask if he wants to go and play with him. He say yes, so I let him. He starts to interact with Joseph and I see some of glimpses of HistoryBoy peeking out. He laughs and smiles some. I decide to go into the pool and cool off.

In a few minutes, I am being attacked by both boys. Each time I turn my back one of them tries to tickle me or tackle me. I may not be healthy or strong but a 10 and 8 year old in the water are not going to knock me over unless they attempt it together and don't tell them I said that! HistoryBoy is laughing and giggling and being a "normal" happy kid again. I do not know what was wrong but he has let it go or it let go of him.

The knot I had had in my chest all day for him came undone. I hate to see him so wound and upset and not be able to help. It is my job as mom to help and protect him but I can't protect him from himself when it is him own mind/body causing the problem, but I will do my best, as always. He deserves nothing less.

Not Wanting to be Solitary

HistoryBoy is so solitary most of the time; I forget how much he needs/loves/wants to be around other kids his age. When he isn’t in school, he plays a lot of the time with HyperGirl. They are two peas in a pod, but they each need their own space sometimes too. HistoryBoy needs his time to watch Battle 360 which apparently holds NO interest whatsoever for HyperGirl, no matter how much he tries to convince her of how good it is.

After spending the weekend with Max and Doodle, HistoryBoy told me that it was so great to spend time with someone who shared his interests. It had been too long since he hung out with someone who really got him. Now I am not going to tell HyperGirl any of this but I felt bad that he felt he couldn’t share his interests with her, or that he doesn’t have someone he can. I know I *try* to be interested but I can only be interested so many times before I go insane.

I am beginning to wonder if HistoryBoy picked up our family’s teaching “gene.” I come from a family of teachers, and he loves to share his knowledge with everyone and anyone who shows and interest in it. He is especially good with younger children and answering their questions, which I love and think is AWESOME. He says something they don’t understand, usually because he likes big words, and then he tries to explain so that they do.

But I digress, he has asked me lately about having a friend over, which I am not opposed to, but I am still not feeling healthy and after he gets outs of school a lot of days are spent with me napping, so after school play is not really an option unless I am feeling better. He is craving more social interaction and I am lacking the energy/time to be able to get it for him.

So when we get back from this trip to Florida, I have to try to figure out how to get him more involved with other kids who like what he like. Do you think there is a History Club for 10 years olds? I think my problem will be finding a child his age with similar interests. His interests tend to be older and/or younger than his age, ie Thomas trains, which he still loves, or WWII. There are not a lot of 10 year old into Thomas or WWII, but maybe there are some into Legos or Transformers which he also likes, not as much as the first two but it is somewhere to work from.

I guess what I have to keep remembering is that while it is easier for him to be solitary; I need to push him to not be solitary and to encourage him when he is interested in being with others, even if I am not up to it, because that is what is going to make the difference for him in the long run.

How to Get to Florida… Eventually

I awake on Tuesday morning to hips so stiff it feels like someone has jammed rods into them. I simply can’t move. I take a hot shower because I can’t see how to maneuver in and out of the tub. It seems to help a little but I still have no idea how I am going to get myself finished and ready. HistoryBoy fell asleep at some point and I try to wake him but again I think I will need a shovel to move him.

Thankfully I only have to drive myself to my mom’s house and my brother is going to drive me to the airport. I leave HistoryBoy for the moment. I need to concentrate on getting myself ready. It takes a lot longer than it should but eventually we are on our way. The only way HistoryBoy got ready is for me to hand him his bathing suit and remind him we will be in Florida in a few hours and he can go swimming. He says ok as long as he can sleep on the plane. At my mom’s, my brother and his fiancé are waiting and then drive us from there to the airport.

Traffic wasn’t too bad and we get there fairly quickly. I am still moving like a slug and in addition now I am feeling like I am going to be sick. Wonderful. My brother goes to get me a wheelchair so I do not have to walk. He gets me help, and then gets in line for me. In the time it takes for them to sort me out, and wait in line, we can no longer check my bags. I have two options. Take 11:00 with a 2 hour layover and get to Florida at 6 or take a 6:00 and get there at 8:15. I ask why can’t you just check my bags. I am feeling at my wits end. I feel horrible. I want to lie down. I do not want to have a layover. I do not want to come back. My brother does not have much patience with my indecision and yells and me. I break down and cry. HistoryBoy wraps his arms around me and hugs me. I feel so awful. I just want to go to bed. I don’t want to get on a plane, but I am supposed to be on this one. And now I can’t.

Ok. DECISION TIME. I can’t do a layover. I know that. One – I feel awful; I do not want to be sick in some random city where I can’t lie down. Two and Three– I have HistoryBoy, he is 10 and has Asperger’s and ADHD, entertaining him and keeping a rein on him for two hours in my condition will not work, unless I have a REALLY BIG history book which I did not bring with me this trip. Four – did I mention I feel like crap? So I guess I have to come back tonight. The woman was nice enough; she told me an exact time to come back for handicap help. And the handicap help woman told me to avoid such problems, just check your bags at the curbs next time.

We go back to my mom’s. I crash in her bed for about 3 - 4 hours, so does HistoryBoy. We wake up feeling much more alive although I am still sore as anything. I am moving slightly faster than a slug now though so it is an improvement. We eat a late lunch and head to the airport and get there just before 5 and check our bags curb side, no probs. Why didn’t I do this earlier? (It cost $4 more but I would have made my flight, DOH) We make it through all of it this time, and through the flight and to Florida.

We arrive about 8:15 pm just like we should and HistoryBoy wants to go swimming because he has been waiting ALL day in his bathing suit to go swimming. I am so tired I could go to bed as soon as we arrive but I can sense a meltdown in the offing and I do not want to start the vacation on a bad note so I tell him that we can go as long as he gets out as soon as I say it is time to get out. I am going to soak for a few minutes in the Hot Tub and see if it helps my hips and he can play in the pool until I am done. He agrees. When we are done, we both crash and do not wake up until after 10 am, closer to 11, the next morning. So begins out Florida vacation.

Making in Through Monday

I meant this to go up last night but Murphy’s Law, or maybe it is just me. But anyway, after our adventures of past weekend, I should have allowed for some time to rest as was needed to me to recoup, but as usual I thought I could handle it all and come home and pack for our trip to Florida, which HistoryBoy and I were leaving for on Tuesday morning. Great planning on my part…

HistoryBoy’s last day of school was Monday. He was so tired and worn out from the weekend; I needed a shovel to get him out of bed. AND the last day of school was basically a carnival for the kids, and a day to pick up report cards. He was not missing it. I knew how he felt though. I was scraping myself out of bed as well but I knew I had to get him to school and get stuff done today if we were going to leave tomorrow.

I finally did get him off to school. How bad is it to be late on the last day of school? Do they give awards for bad parent of the year? When I left him at school, he was sitting with his class on the grass by the black top waiting for their turn in the kick ball tournament but he had his head on his knee and was falling asleep. HyperGirl seemed to be nudging him every so often so maybe he wouldn’t fall all the way to sleep.

I get back to my house and begin packing. I get a phone call, do I want to come visit my Grandmom before I leave. I said Of course HistoryBoy and I would come over when he gets out of school as it is only a half day. I get as much done as I can which isn’t a lot and I have to crash for a little bit until HistoryBoy gets home because I am just too tired. I am achy and need sleep. My aunt comes to pick us up and we head to my Grandmom’s.

We have a nice visit but you can tell both HistoryBoy and I are tired. HB is playing with his cars and keeps bringing my aunt over to see them but isn’t talking about anything else and really won’t answer other questions without A LOT of prodding from me, usually it takes a reminder of Your GG asked you a question for him to pay attention or to respond, but he is in single mind mode only, please do not disturb. He has been playing with Cars cars (ie from the movie Cars) and having races in preparation I guess for the new movie coming out Friday, who know.

My aunt drops me at my mom’s house so I can have dinner. I am completely zonked but we should eat food and my brother is going to take me home after dinner. After dinner I go home finish packing as best I can with a tired brain, and believe me when I unpack, I realize how tired I was and I C.R.A.S.H. Apparently HistoryBoy is too excited about vacation and can’t sleep now even though he is exhausted. I tell him as long as he doesn't keep me awake, lie down on the sofa, keep the T.V. low, and have at it. I do not know what time he fell asleep. I was asleep before I hit the pillow. Tomorrow off to Florida.

Wonderful Exhausting Weekend

Sorry there was no Photo of the week but Angus and I took HistoryBoy to see some friends, Eric and Ariel, and their kids, Max and Doodle, this weekend and to have some fun for Father's Day. We also went to the Strasburg Railroad to A Day Out With Thomas, HistoryBoy's first love. So maybe I have a picture of the week for you after all.

This is about 3 1/2 feet tall built out of mega block which according to HistoryBoy are just like Legos and you can build them together with Legos but they don't stay together as well. I guess the Thomas people didn't ask HistoryBoy before making this. LOL. We all rode the Thomas train and saw the sites and HistoryBoy had a blast. The played a soundtrack of Thomas songs on the train and HistoryBoy sang along to every song. I am not sure how he knew every single one of them but he did. It was nice to be in open space and clean fresh air. Although after the train ride, I think I was cooked from the heat about 1/2 hr into the day but I sat down and drank some lemonade and sat in an air conditioned store. I felt nauseous, fortunately I did NOT throw up. Point for me!

We went back to Ariel and Eric's dinner, and I went to bed right after. I woke up around 8am Sunday morning to the sounds of the kids playing, not loudly, just quietly enough that I could hear them and I wanted to see what they were up to. Ok, they were fine, I am going back to sleep. Plopped back into bed. I slept on and off alot of the day unfortunately because I had a horrible headache. Angus, HistoryBoy Eric, Max and Doodle went fishing. Doodle was the only one to catch anything. I thought that was AWESOME. GIRL POWER! Showing up the boys!

I think I napped again. See a theme here. Ariel and I chatted and caught up because we hadn't done that is sooo long. We haven't spent more than an hour or two in each others company in years. So we were enjoying ourselves. We had an early dinner and Ariel and Eric took the 3 kids to Dutch Wonderland. All 3 had a great time. HistoryBoy was so happy when he came back. He wants to go back again. I said we will. I just need a little time to recoup...

The Long and the Short of It

In posting yesterday blog I was thinking of a lot of ways it could have gone differently. The same conversation he and I had about what had happened had he been overwhelmed by it either to the point of a meltdown down or shutdown. I realized I am much better at reading in between or over the lines so even if our conversation had gone something like this,

"Mom" sob sob sob, as he rock back and forth. I rub his back. I know HistoryBoy. It's ok. "But mom" I know honey, come here and he climbs onto my lap and I cuddle him until he feels secure again and not overwhelmed. HistoryBoy, you are an amazing little man. And he just hugs me really tight.

Or it could have gone like this.

"Mom, that guy doesn't understand. I read about Hiroshima and I know all about the Enola Gay. It's a Boeing B-29 Super-fortress bomber. On 6 August 1945, it became the first aircraft to drop an atomic bomb on city of Hiroshima, Japan. About 80,00 people were killed that day alone, and then radiation killed ten of thousands more. Years later leukemia began killing even more people. I've watched history channel about it and read Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. I know what happened is true mommy. I didn't make it up and I am not a dumb kid. Why would he say that mommy? I know I am not dumb. He can't say things like that can he? Why can he say things like that? I wasn't mean to him. I didn't make anything up." HistoryBoy, please calm down. He doesn't know you. He doesn't know what you know or know how well you research everything you do know. He doesn't know how smart you really are. I want you to take a deep breath for mean and relax. Ok? I think your brain is going to explode in a moment if you don't. "M-O-M" Ok, maybe it won't explode but come sit next to me ok. I know you know what you are talking about but everyone else doesn't always know that. You are the smartest person I know. You have an AMAZING brain. Can I switch with you? "Mom, it doesn't work that way. Once you detach my brain my body won't work so even if it attaches to your head it won't move your body." See too smart for me. I love you pumpkin head. "M-O-M"

The conversation still would have read that it went like this...

"Mom, why didn't that guy believe me?" I explained to him that not everyone has the same point of view. "But mom I didn't make it up. It is what happened in WWII. I watched the documentaries about the dogfights and battleships" I know honey. Some people just don't understand how someone so small can package so much knowledge. Since you didn't live through it, you can't know it. "Really?" Some people. "oh" But I know you know all kinds I things I don't know, that's lots of people don't know. You are amazing. "I know."

Mom, Why Didn't He Believe Me?

My son has an enormous capacity to store information. Whether it is the length of the Titanic or the plane that dropped the bomb on Hiroshima, do not disagree with him. He is an authority and with dispute you to the death. I don't dispute him. I stopped when after fact checking him for about the dozenth time to see if he was right and realizing he was I just said ok, my kid knows more than I do about this.

But HistoryBoy got very upset one time. He was talking about boats or planes and WWII. I know I should be more specific but I was only half listening to the conversation since I had heard it before and been lectured on whatever it was before. As parent of an Aspie, you know how it can be. I think we were in a doctor's waiting room. He was telling all of this to another child who I think was only paying attention because he wanted to play with the planes HistoryBoy had brought with him.

Now, the was a man in the waiting room I guess listening to what HistoryBoy had to say. The man tells HistoryBoy that his information was wrong. HistoryBoy says no, XYZ happened just like this. And launches into a whole narrative about some WWII battle. I honestly don't know, I am taking HB's word for it, because, he has read the books and watched the documentaries. Maybe the man was there and has a different point of view but at this point he's just saying HistoryBoy is wrong.

HistoryBoy decides to ignore the man and continues his dialogue with the boy, for which I am glad. I didn't want him to meltdown or shutdown. The man again says that his information is all wrong. What do you expect from dumb kids these days? Now I am ready to put on my mom boots and kick this guy in the head. I don't care what his point of view is, he is being a jerk. Fortunately for the guy we got called to go back to the doctor so I didn't get to kick his butt to make a nasty comment but I really wanted to.

Thankfully all HistoryBoy got out of it was "Mom, why didn't that guy believe me?" I explained to him that not everyone has the same point of view. "But mom I didn't make it up. It is what happened in WWII. I watched the documentaries about the dogfights and battleships" I know honey. Some people just don't understand how someone so small can package so much knowledge. Since you didn't live through it, you can't know it. "Really?" Some people. "oh" But I know you know all kinds I things I don't know, that's lots of people don't know. You are amazing. "I know."

That's my HistoryBoy

Venting on a Bad Day (for me)

It hasn't been a long day but I am still tired. HistoryBoy woke up with a headache. I gave him some tylenol, let him rest a little and he went in an hour late. I am not letting him miss one of the last 3 days of school. Besides I need the break too a little. I am still feeling drained. Like someone unplugged my energy cord and I can't find it to plug it back in. So I am running on empty.

I've done it before. But I was younger and maybe I bounced back easier. I am not bouncing back. I feel more sluggish everyday, but on a positive note, I am having less headaches. Maybe one a week or less, but how do I function when my body just wants to sleep. I have an active 10 year old for a son who will soon be on summer break. He is understanding when mommy is sick but right now, I am not.

Sometimes I feel he deserves more from me. I know every once in a while he feels that way but most of the time he is happy with his mom the way she is because I am just that he mom, the only one he has. So how do I balance me. Right now, I can't because me isn't moving in direction I want it to and it sucks. I feel like I am stuck in this horrible achy sleepy wasteland that I can't get out of.

On another positive note, my family says my mood had improved, so I am happy about not feeling well. Not sure how I feel about that. Talk to you tomorrow

Strange Bedfellows

HistoryBoy has a strange method of sleeping. We used to call him PillowButt at a young age. He would steal all the pillows and sleep on them in a big lump. Now he is 10 and sometimes that nickname can still apply. It is strange though. One night he needs to sleep on top of every pillow or stuffed animal he can find. The next he needs to sleep on the floor because the bed is not comfortable. Some nights, I have found the bed full of wooden trains, or metal planes and when I try to remove them he wakes to tell me "NO, don't they help me sleep" I do not know if this is an Asperger's thing or just restricted to my son, but it stumps me.

We have bunk beds in his room for just this reason. One bed has a mattress, one does not. If he wants to sleep on the mattress, he can, if he wants to sleep on the wood, he can. He doesn't always sleep well so maybe these methods help him try to control his sleep and he is trying to make himself sleep better or feel more secure. If this is the case, he's not talking.

Not talking is not new. We all know that one, but in this case, it makes it very tough to figure out how to know what to do. He will flip flop back and forth from wanting the softest blanket to sleep with to the hardest surface on. I try to accommodate because I found not accommodating just makes it harder to get him to sleep that night and/or impossible the next day. Someone recommended a weight blanket to me for him to sleep under and I am looking into trying it for him. Once I get it, I will let you know how it goes. Maybe it will help, I don't think it can make it worse. I'll keep you posted

First Class Trip

Today is HistoryBoy's first real class trip and I am not able to go. It kinda sucks. It's not that I would not have been welcomed. I would have. I am just not physically up to it. 6 hours outside in the heat and sun. My body would wilt very shortly. The are going to a day camp, swimming and playing and having fun. I am hoping it will be fun for him. After yesterday, it can only get better, so here is keeping our fingers crossed.

But I am still sitting here wishing I had the energy to be there with him. To be enjoying the sites with him. Maybe it's better I am not. Maybe he needs time away like this on a trip without his comfort zone with him. I will find out how he did today. I am hoping it was wonderful experience for him. I haven't received a phone call so at least I know it wasn't terrible.

I know he is only 10 and I want to protect him the best I can. But I am not going to be able to be there for him every day. Some days I will not feel up to things and some trips I will not be allowed to go. So maybe it is good he did this one on his own, even if he and I were both a little upset at first that I couldn't go. I need to let him go just a little and he needs to be able to stand on his own without me. Otherwise, what are we working towards?

It's Still One of Those Days

I apologize that there was no blog on Saturday to my followers but I have been sick and today wasn't much better. I think it started Thursday, with a mild headache, from the heat. Our a/c was broken and it was 100* so I felt slightly more than miserable.

I had someone coming out to fix it. And he did, but the heat had already taken its toll on me. I called my doctor on Friday and got an appointment for Saturday morning. I barely made it through Friday, although I did post a blog. :) I alternated between being nauseous and sleeping. I couldn't even really eat anything either.

Turns out it was a combination of the heat, migraine and a sinus infection. As if one of those wasn't enough for me to deal with, YEAH! So now antibiotics and lot of rest and fluids. Sounds like my normal day. lol.

Well there was a blog up yesterday because lucky for me, a picture of the day was suggested to me by a friend of mine a while back and I made that up in advance. So it was all ready to go, but today I was feeling a little better and figured after I got HistoryBoy off to school, I'd write it up. Things didn't quite work out that way.

One the way to school, HistoryBoy is chattering away and then says he feels weird and then pukes all over himself. Needless to say, he didn't go to school. We go home, get him cleaned up. I call the pediatrician, and my mom (for a ride) and we head out. HistoryBoy most likely has strep but doc wants to do bloodwork. Major Meltdown in the office over this.

Now it is time to have to try to get the bloodwork done. It takes 5 of us holding him to get it done and it still isn't pretty. He is in full autistic mode now, rocking and shrieking. I feel bad for him and I am also glad there are no other children in the waiting room to be scared out of getting their bloodwork by his outburst.

All I want to do is go home now. He is exhausted. I am exhausted. But I need to make one more stop and I am hoping we will both live through it. I need to go to the pharmacy and get the prescription the doc gave me for him. That was a mistake too. He was done. I should have had Angus go to the pharmacy when he got home or figured out some other way of getting there. He was so wrung out he melted down right there in the store and started crying.

We are home now. He is lying down on the sofa zoning out to a World War II documentary. (his choice) and I have flopped on my bed, trying to ease the aching in my head and joints. Hoping it gets better from her. Until tomorrow...

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Picture of the Week

The COOLEST Tent Ever!!!

It has two rooms!

Use one for a living room/bedroom

and as a friend of mine suggested...

for the other one....

Have a great day all!

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Please Don't Overwhlem The Autistic Child

Most of the time HistoryBoy seems like every other 10 year old. He will run around at recess playing cops and robbers (as long as his two best friends are there). He plays with Madison our Black Lab Retriever. He is kind and loving. But when he is different, it is very visible.

One day several years ago, I am trying to remember which classroom he was in. (It was 1st or 2nd grade) But it is sort of irrelevant. I was room mom, as I have been I think every year for HistoryBoy. I put my name in with a note that says if they is a mom who wants it and hasn't been room mom, let her have it. Must not be a lot of room moms out there I guess, because I get it each year. LOL :) Anyway, I leave the room, for a bathroom break or to get something, I don't know. When I come back in and my son is cowering under his desk, rocking.

I go to him, What is wrong? I am immediately approached by someone whose name I do not remember, but probably looked like a troll, and not one of those cute troll dolls, NO a Lord of the Rings CAVE TROLL. Yes I feel better now. She told me that my son had pushed her and would not come out to apologize ....

OK... Why did he push you? What happened? "Well I saw he had one of those cookies on his plate and you said he had allergies so I was taking it from him. I told him to stop So he pushed me and went under his desk and now won't come out,"

I gave him that cookie. He CAN have it. He knew it. He does not respond well to adults yelling at him and taking away things his mother has given him. He has Asperger's, now he is melting down. He should not have pushed you but he is in no condition to apologize to you right now and will not be for a while until he calms down. "Make him do it now."

At that point, before I pushed her myself, I told his teacher I was leaving and signing my son out. It still took me about 10 minutes for me to convince him to come out from under his desk. But I was done with the evil troll lady.

Then another time we are out at Target and HistoryBoy is looking at baseball cards (actually I think he is looking at those build-able transformer and pirate cards but anyway) which are right by the check out lanes. And this old guy apparently think HistoryBoy is up to no good because his mom (me) is not standing with him and he (HistoryBoy) won't answers any of weird old guys questions.

When I approach with my cart I can tell HistoryBoy is approaching meltdown city. His eyes are almost tearing. He latches on to me an hides behind me. "Is that boy deaf or mute?" No. "He was getting into trouble, stealing stuff. I caught him just in time"

Now, Creepy old guy is not a Target employee, apparently he is just a guy there to scare my son. So I say 'My son was looking at the cards while I went to get laundry detergent. He was picking out what he wanted to get.' "He won't look me in the eye. He is up to something and he won't answer me when I ask him a question."

This creepy old guy may mean well and all, hey if HistoryBoy was stealing I would want to know, but I know he wasn't, he just doesn't talk to adults he doesn't. So today instead of saying My son has Asperger's, and getting a blank stare from Mr Creepy. I just say My son is autistic. He looks at me and says "Oh, I had a cousin like that when I was a kid." And he walks away. O-ok.

How do we protect our children from all the people who would yell at them and overwhelm their senses, some of them well meaning, some of them jerks. Maybe I should just buy/make him a T-shirt that says, it YES, I have Asperger's, and YES it is a form of Autism. Today may be ok, tomorrow not so much. I think we could all use a shirt like that!

Long Road to the National Anthem

HistoryBoy loves music. It helps calms him, soothe him, keep him on task when he needs it. He loves to sing, to perform for me and his Mimi, but we are his comfort zone. Ask him and sometimes he will say he wants to be the next Justin Bieber. I am not going to discourage from something he truly loves (but he also loves legos and history and he IS 10 so...), but I have tried to make him see he has to deal with people in a job like that. As we all know, people skills are not our Aspie best traits.

This school year, HistoryBoy participated in his school's 4th grade choir. (I will have another blog about the stresses and such of this but that is for another day) He learned to sing beautifully, Somewhere Over the Rainbow in his 10 yr old soprano voice. Also, several others I recognized from when I was in music class way back when, and of course The National Anthem. He would come home singing every day he had music class or choir.

Now the amazing part is that his 4th grade choir was invited to sing at the National Anthem at the local minor league baseball game. He did not where headphones to cover his ears from the noise and he stayed to watch the fireworks. This could/would NEVER have happened 5 years ago, maybe even 2 - 3 years ago. He has come so far in that amount of time. He has worked so hard to be able to overcome his issues with loud places and lots of people. He still isn't always comfortable in crowds or with noise that may always be a problem.

What it comes down to is he CHOSE to perform at the game because he loves the National Anthem so much and didn't allow himself to be overwhelmed by the noise of the crowd or the applause. I left at the beginning of the 3rd inning. HistoryBoy stayed with Angus because I was too tired to stay for me but he wanted to stay. He WANTED to see the fireworks display after the game, and while I wasn't there to see if he covered his ears from the noise the fact that he wanted to be there at all says so much.

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Peace, Love and my Childhood Toys

Did you ever take the time to really think about our childhood? I was born in 1975. I grew up in the 80s. My favorite TV shows and toys were Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, Care Bears and Smurfs. I want each of you to take a moment to think about each of these shows.

First, take the Care Bears. I think they are the Poster Children of the 70s Love Child. Make Love, Not War. Maybe a bunch of Grateful Dead fans got together, (I do not know what the teddy bear have to do with Grateful dead, if you are a dead head, and know, you can let me know, politely of course, but the picture fits) and said "Whoa, what if those bears were all friends and could shoot caring out of their stomachs and make the whole world care. The could live in clouds and travel around on rainbows, and chant, Care-A-Lot, We Care-A-Lot!


Now I think Strawberry Shortcake went a little differently. I loved her and her berrific cohorts, do not get me wrong. However, I think some toy exec was baking some funny brownies when she came up with this one. Food can save the world and make you feel better. It is either a recipe for solving the munchies or making me fat. Strawberry Shortcake and friends grow all their own food, cook and/or bake, which is admirable, especially since I think they were all supposed to be young kids and babies, and then they had bake-offs and the EVIL Purple Pieman would always try to spoil their baking and win, but he never could. Food can solve all your problems and it ALWAYS saves the day in Strawberryland!



Now, I loved Rainbow Brite. She was the ULTIMATE for me. I owned the large and small version of this doll. Ohhh Ahhh. Anyway. But imagine coming up with the concept. I don't think it happened around a board table. I think it went more like,

"Dude, imagine a girl with a rainbow on her belt, wearing a rainbow colored outfit, spreading colors and saving the world."
"Awesome, and all her helpers can be named after all the colors of the rainbow"
"Wow dude that blows my mind. What if the bad guys are the ones trying to stop color from spreading in the world."
"We should totally go talk to John. I heard his Dad owns a toy company"
"Awesome"

Isn't it a wonder we all turned out as well as we did? LOL

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Black and White and Shades of Grey

A friend of mine mentioned that Saturday's blog "More of HistoryBoy and HyperGirl" was all about the shades of grey that our Asperger's "Give it to me in black and white" kids can't read, which entirely true. What amazes though is that my little guy has muddled so well through my world of Lupus which is nothing but shades of grey. Nothing is ever black or white, unless I am having a really good day or a really bad day, it is all shades of grey for me.

Today I may wake up to find I have energy to do things but it will run out by lunchtime, so HistoryBoy with see me ok in the morning but done in when he gets home from school. Tomorrow I may still be done in and in bed but I get him off to school but I am feeling better and able to do something with him after school. And the day after that I may be in bed all day. Yet he is able to adjust to it. He will sit with me, bring his homework to me, and I will fight him to get it done. Then he will watch *gasp* the history channel, or history ONdemand because that's how we roll. Lol.

I still worry how he will handle the shades of grey out there, just because he handle them at home with me, does not mean he can handle outside of it as you could see in "More of HistoryBoy and HyperGirl," but it is a process, a learning process. So with each experience I hope he is getting a little more in comfortable with that part of himself, of expressing himself, so that next time he won't be afraid of the grey area.

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Sorry this is a Late Posting...

Today I am moving slow. HistoryBoy had an amazing weekend, busy, but amazing. His school choir has a concert in which he sang BEAUTIFULLY. He is a soprano, no voice change there yet, and it was lovely. That was Thursday night.

On Friday, HistoryBoy's choir got to sing the National Anthem at the local Minor League Baseball Game. It was AWESOME! I was so proud! He stood there, the only child with his hand held over his heart as his sang the song. He was dancing on clouds all weekend.

Considering that this was Thursday and Friday, I should be moving faster by now, but I am not. My body feels like it is filled with sludge. All I want to do is sleep. HistoryBoy will be home from school in a little over an hour so I am going to rest until then, I hope you understand.

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

Picture of the Week - Childhood Memories

I watched Melissa Joan Hart

BEFORE she was cool as

Sabrina the Teenage Witch!

on 's

I own this video

Publish Post

I so wanted her to lose my brothers for me! LOL!

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

More of HistoryBoy and HyperGirl

I recently found out that HyperGirl is the only person in the entire world that HistoryBoy is afraid to say no to. Let me give you the scenario.

My hubby, Angus, loves all stuff techy, so we have a new front door lock that has a key but also a numerical code you can use to enter which is cool. We gave the code to HistoryBoy with VERY strict instruction that he keep the code to himself because we didn't want anyone in the house while we were gone, etc.

Several weeks go by, no problems, then HistoryBoy misses a day of school and we come home from the pediatrician and our front door is ajar and the day's homework assignments are sitting on the sofa. I asked HistoryBoy if he had given the door code to anyone, he said no one, but he wouldn't look at me, which isn't completely unusual but when I asked him to look at me he still wouldn't, so I KNEW something was up.

Ok HistoryBoy, how did HyperGirl get the door code? "Maybe she watched me type it in?" Is that what happened? Look, I am not yelling, I am trying not to get mad, but you need to tell me how she got the code. "She made me tell her" Ok how did she make you, what did she do? "She said if I didn't tell her she wouldn't be my friend anymore."

I took HistoryBoy by the hand and sat him down and I said Do you really think HyperGirl wouldn't play with you anymore? I think she would have gotten mad at you and gone home, sure but tomorrow she would have been back just like always. She was just trying to be bossy like she can be sometimes, right? HistoryBoy thought about it. "She does get mad sometimes and go home, but she always comes back."

I also had a talk with HyperGirl about using her friendship as leverage against HistoryBoy and told her Dad about it so he would talk to her about it too. But they are 10, and testing the waters and up until now HistoryBoy has shared everything with HyperGirl, so she was angry that he wouldn't share this one seemingly small thing with her. But like he said "She does get mad sometimes and go home, but she always comes back." That's what friends do.

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com

My Memorial Day Meltdown

Today's blog is going to be sort of short and sweet.

It was a long weekend this past weekend. Or maybe it was just too hot. Our a/c wasn't working and the humidity was awful so I wasn't feeling so well. We went to a BBQ at my mom's. It was a nice family get together but I was ready for a nice rest.

Angus, my husband, (that is his favorite sandwich at McDonald's, I know, dumb, but I couldn't think of anything better at this moment, except maybe Gregg, but I know he would HATE that) wants my attention to help him with something or to clean something or I do not even know but he wants something. It is too late though, I have flopped on the bed and am pretty quickly falling asleep because I just can't stay awake. Angus starts yelling. What? I kinda say, Give me a few minutes. And I do not remember saying anything else, except I woke up to him yelling even louder about other stuff that I couldn't process. I am not even sure if he was yelling at me or the Planet Pluto, (which actually isn't a planet anymore but I still call it one anyway. LOL ) I stand up out of bed in a daze, I have no real clue what is going on, only knowing I really want my bed. I burst into tears. I am bawling. I hear HistoryBoy go "Uh Oh, What did you do Angus?"

Angus comes into the room and hugs me and starts to comforts me. I can hear HistoryBoy running around the house looking for something. He comes running into the room. I am sitting there with my head on Angus' shoulder crying. HistoryBoy has a big smile on his face and a camera in his hand filming me and says, "You said we were supposed to video tape all meltdowns right, mommy?"

My Journey into Lupus Continues

Thank you, my loyal followers for allowing me to vent yesterday, so I now continue Monday's blog about my journey into Lupus. I ended Monday's blog with going back to school after Christmas break, but I wasn't feeling well, and I kept missing days of school and finally at the end of January I was not able to go back to school for the rest of the year. That is the short version. The longer version was something like this.

I did indeed go back to school after Christmas break, but something felt off. I keep getting fevers, high, then low grade. It was weird. I was achy. Most of all I was tired, so tired, I would come home from swim practice and go right to bed, my mom would wake me for dinner and I would go right back to bed after. I was so tired some days I barely made it through swim practice and I LOVED swimming. I hated not being able to do it. One day in school. One day

home sleeping. One day in school. The pattern went on. My mom took me back to Dr. Welby. He didn't like it. He did bloodwork, LOTS of it. He recommended me staying home and resting and doing my work at home until they figured it out, one day in and one day out wasn't good for me and after three week out, the school sends a tutor home. If I had done this since the beginning of January I would already have a tutor and not be starting from scratch.

Just as a NOTE:

I should say I was a nerd in school. I liked school. I loved Math and Science. I have a Masters in Math. For me to miss school, especially as a freshman when I was at my special request taking TWO math classes was unfair. I was overwhelmed.

So where was I, yes, bloodwork didn't find anything, so they did more which didn't find anything. They tested for anemia, Lyme's, Mono anything they could think of. I think they tested for mono a million times before they were done. They didn't know know what was wrong with me. Dr. Welby was really worried. He *affectionately* called me his problem child. I know I saw other docs too and they did more tests and then he sent me to CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) to have more tests done. The only thing they tested me for that Dr. Welby hadn't tested me for was Juvenile Arthritis, because of my achiness. Guess what it wasn't. It meant more bloodwork. I was a human pin cushion at least I felt like one. My veins were so sore, they hid. I remember CHOP had to take blood from my foot because the veins in my arms and hands were so bad.

I think I must have been worried but I don't really remember being worried though. I remember missing hanging out with my best friend at the time Kelly and my friend Shannon. It was hard for them to understand me being so sick and why I didn't look sick when they would come over to see me but I wasn't allowed to go out. I didn't have the energy to go out anyway. I wanted to sleep. My brothers thought I was so lucky that I got to stay home from school. I just wanted to feel like going to school. I didn't have the energy. I know my parents were worried. I would hear them sometimes talking at night. My room was right across the hall from theirs. I know they worried about me and my mom would cry. I feel bad now because I would go back to sleep, I didn't even have then energy to get out of bed to go and comfort her.

At this point it is probably March 1991. I am sleeping now 18 - 20 hours a day and I am still tired. My mom has to wake me up to eat meals and I will fall asleep at the table alot of times. I am still taking Ceftin or Ceclor (I do not remember which) as an antibiotic since January because they are hoping to keep me healthy, which I obviously am not, and they don't want me to get any sicker. A tutor comes in the afternoons for an hour or two hours to go over my work with me, but I am tired most days. But fortunately for me, I think the work is easy and can complete ts in less time. One of the few times as a 15 year old I was grateful for being gifted with a brain. So I can go back to bed when the work is done. YES!

By mid March I am developing new symptoms, my hair, which is long, about halfway down my back, is starting to fall out. Every time I wash my hair, which I was trying to do every other day or less, because it is getting harder for me to take care of now too. I know my mom will help take care of it for me if I ask, but she is so busy trying to take care of me and still take care of my brothers and so worried about me. She didn't need one more thing to do for me. And now my knees are starting to swell. I am having a very hard time getting up and down the stairs in my parents house. I think the tutor starts to come 3 times a week instead of every day. I just can't make it up and down the stairs unless I have to, so I stay in my room. The bathroom is upstairs so it is easier on me.

My parents have made an appointment for me with a rheumatologist. They didn't know who else to go to. CHOP was supposed to be our last stop, who supposedly would figure it all out. None did, and I wasn't getting any better. So we went to see, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. (She was much taller than her TV counter part but had that long flowing hair and a warm bedside manner.)

Dr. Quinn noticed a symptom that I hadn't picked up on right away right away, my butterfly rash. Adding up her checklist. She asked out family history. My mom has Rheumatoid Arthritis. Her mom, my grandmom, has Lupus. "Ok, that is what I wanted to know," She told my parents and I straight up. "I want to do more bloodwork but I am looking for Lupus." Me, I didn't know what that meant really. I was exhausted, I thought, yeah! a diagnosis finally! I will be all better, back in school and nothing to it. My mom and dad knew different I guess. The were looking at each other sadly. She wanted to see me back next week once I had gotten the bloodwork done.

I bet you can guess what Dr. Quinn's bloodwork said. I had Lupus. My ANA and Anti-DNA and whatever tests she did way back they (to be honest I do not remember other than those two now which ones were done I could go back and look it up but it doesn't really matter now) were so off scale she was shocked she told us. She had patients she said who had had lupus for years who never got numbers as high as mine. Dr. Quinn didn't want to start me on prednisone too soon and have to keep upping and upping my doses. I was put on anti-inflammatory to reduce the swelling in my knees. I was given a dose pack of steroids, but not a full course of prednisone. She wanted to kick start my system and see what happened. She also said one of the reason my joints didn't bother me for as long as the did was because I was a swimmer. She recommended me getting back into it gradually, just basic aqua therapy a few morning a week, so my parents got our family a membership to the YMCA. It was hard but the water did make my joints feel better.

Unfortunately, Dr. Quinn's diagnosis and estimate for my recovery time now put paid on me returning to school for the rest of the school year. She thought I was recouping well but I wouldn't be well enough to return at all for my freshman year. (I cried for days over that) She wanted me work work on getting healthy so I could go back next year. She couldn't guarantee I would feel up to everything I had done in the past, but I was young and she hoped that since we had caught and diagnosed it "relatively" quickly. (At the time 4 months, did not feel like a quick diagnosis, but in talking to people who have taken years and years to reach this same place I had, I suppose it is), that I would recover most if not all of what had been lost this past few months. I was to continue my regimen of vitamins, anti-inflammatories, rest and swimming.

So began my life with Lupus.

5 Questions I Should NOT Have to Answer About My Blog

I interrupt my normally scheduled blog for a Tribute to Dumb People.

I apologize if you are reading this now and are one of the people who follow my blog and emailed me these questions. But I felt the need to address it, because well to me it is silly. And I think at least some of you will think so too! If you sent the email in fun, then take this in the same spirit.

Dear Teenahope, Why are you writing about running off with a cabana boy and now you have added a picture of the week when your blog is supposed to be talking about dealing with Asperger's.

If I want to write something stupid or silly in my blog, it is my blog, right? Just because I said it is about me and my lupus and my son and his ADHD and Asperger's doesn't mean I can't take a flying leap off the edge sometimes when I need to. Sometimes I need to. We all do. Anyone who has a problem with it, just bite me, don't email about it, ok?

Dear Teenahope, Don't you think some of what you write is not what your readers want to see. You flip flop back and forth between serious issues and silliness. I started reading your blog because you seemed care about what you wrote. If your aim is to be popular you should listen to what I have to say.

I am writing my blog for me and for you, but mostly for me. When I realized that I was relating stories about my son to different friends who needed to hear about what it was like on the spectrum, I realized I needed to put my voice out there. But I also needed to do it for me. It helps me relax. I used to write all the time when I was younger, but I stopped. Life cropped up. There wasn't time. You know how it goes. But I can now. I will now. I need to now. Some of it will be funny, some it won't be. This is not said to be mean but if you do not like what my blog has to say, DON'T READ IT! It is really that simple. :)

Teenahope, I can sympathize with you having an almost teenager but I think you just need to be firmer with your son. Make listen him to you. You are his mom after all.

I am not asking for your sympathy. Asperger's is a real issue that my son deals with every day, whether you believe it or not. I am spreading awareness. There is a difference. If you don't know the difference it you who have the problem, NOT ME!

Teenahope, Is HistoryBoy his real name?

No, HistoryBoy is NOT his name. In fact, his real name comes from the bible but we call him by a bunch of other nicknames too including Precious, Monkey Boy and Captain Oblivious just to confuse him. Thanks for asking.

(I recieved 2 emails asking this ABSURD question and someone else asked me what I had said because they know HistoryBoy and it was too funny NOT to know what I had responded)

Dear Teenahope, Please tell me you didn't give HistoryBoy a demonstration of the Birds and the Bees.

We did NOT give HistoryBoy a demonstration on the Birds and the Bees. Just to clear the air, I apologize for my abrupt ending to "Animal Planet and the Bird and the Bees", but I thought most would find it funny. We simply said, "No HistoryBoy, that is not appropriate. When you are much older and married you may have sex, and may demonstrate with your wife but until then, no." He looked at me, wondering if I was serious. Deciding that I was, he say "Ok." and left the room. My husband and I proceeded to grab pillows, pull them over our heads and scream with laughter. Does that make the story better for you? But no, there were no demos involved. I think maybe a glass of wine or two after we got him in bed was deserved. DEFINITELY NEEDED!

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at teenahope@gmail.com